Very often when people go out on dates, especially the initial dates, it takes more time to decide whether to continue. The very first date is the most difficult as far as deciding whether to continue and as the dates go on, the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth, it becomes easier and easier to decide.

Unfortunately, during these times people either feel pressure or they are pressured by others to make a quick decision about the following date. The pressure can come from within themselves, because they don't want to keep the partner waiting. The pressure can come from the partner, nu nu nu, I want to know whether I should continue or whether I should go on. And the pressure might come from the shadchan who has an interest in pressuring, because the more that the shadchan pressures, the more of a chance there is that the couple will indeed get married and the shadchan has a personal and a financial interest in making sure that they do indeed get married.

However, the person who has the least interest in the pressure is the person who still hasn't made up his or her mind and who isn't sure whether to continue the dating process. That person might be weighing the pros and the cons, the positives and the negatives all through the situation and may not be able to come to an easy conclusion in this matter.

The decision that is too hasty might make a major mistake that the person will regret for a long time afterwards.

What indeed is a hasty decision? That's an individual issue that varies for each person. In some cases some people might be able to make a decision almost immediately. In other cases, typically, the decision can be made within just a few days. Yet in still other cases it might take a week or two weeks to make the decision and that is considered, in dating circles, to be an extremely long time and people will get upset with this.

One of the important things about this delay is as follows. If people get upset with the delay, that means that you are a person who takes a long time to make a decision, than rather than making that hasty and possibly wrong decision, your consideration might be as follows.

You do take longer than others to make decisions. If the people involved, especially your potential spouse, cannot deal with this delay in making a decision, then you may have other problems in the future with this person. After all, the decision about whether to go out on another date is not going to be the last issue in which it's going to take you a long time to decide.

If you take longer than others to decide, then one of the issues that you are going to have to look for in a spouse is someone who can deal with your delay in making decisions.

Perhaps it might be a good idea to make this point clear right up front, right in the beginning, near the end of the first date. Tell your date that it does take you longer than others to make a decision, and see what the reaction is.

If, nonetheless, the date makes a big fuss about your delay and insists despite the fact that you need additional time, if he or she insists that you make a speedy decision - one which for you would be hasty, then you have an answer. This is a warning that this is a problem.

You certainly don't want to put up with this kind of pressure for the rest of your life for every issue that is involved, do you?