Unless you can handle talks with children on the fly, it is usually wise to be prepared with your topic in advance. It should be something of importance to your children, such as their school, their friends, their feelings about an extracurricular event, their feelings about a news item, a show that they saw, or one that you saw together with them.

You may want to create issues, by taking them to sports or cultural activities. But don’t let those activities fade away. Talk about them afterwards, and then a week later, and then a few months later. Use the experiences as springboards for other discussions. Compare recent shows with others that you have seen. That helps children develop their own creativity. You may re-create a cartoon character that you saw in a movie with a child, using materials from an arts-and-crafts store. You could discuss and plan the activity, and then discuss whether the materials will be drawn, made of clay, or sewn, and how they will be displayed when it is completed.

You should introduce the topic, and thenlet them take the lead and become more open. Just talking about something of mutual importance, or planning a trip or other activity together, adds to closeness.

Listen and be accepting, so that your children will know that it is worth talking.

At a later stage, you might ask them to prepare their own topics. A child might tell you something that you don’t know. He might teach you a sport by talking to you about it before actually playing it. When you play, let him explain it to you in addition to your preliminary discussion.

When a child takes the initiative, his topics should have priority - even if it means that the timely topic that you prepared will have to be put aside - or possibly not used at all. A child who knows that his topic is more important than yours, will become more open and forthcoming. He will feel more like an adult, and he will be more in control of the situation.

If you feel that you might forget decisions, then mark them down (or let your child keep his own “diary” of important decisions) and be sure to confirm them later with your child. Don’t be afraid to disagree - he wants your point of view, and wants the opportunity to discuss it. But be tactful. When you disagree with your child, be sure to stick to the issues, rather than stressing personal or age differences. Be sure not to disagree every time, or too often, even if you feel that your point of view is right and the child is wrong. You can live with situations in which you have intentionally selected the “wrong” choice so that the child “wins” - and then he will see how you deal with the wrong decisions during another family event. When you subsequently deal with a problematic decision, don’t say that it is the child’s fault or idea. Stress that it was a joint idea of both the father and the child together.