ONE DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CONSCRIPT 28th. FEB. 1970

A BIT ABOUT MYSELF, IN 1969 I WAS CONSCRIPTED INTO THE ARMY, AND AFTER BASIC TRAINING SENT TO AN INFANTRY BATTALION, NAMELY 8 RAR. AFTER A 6 WEEK FIRST AID COURSE I WAS SENT TO 1 PLATOON "A” COMPANY AS THE PLATOON STRETCHER BEARER.

NOW MY DAY IN THE LONG HAI’S

WE WERE FOLLOWING IN THE TRACKS OF TWO CENTURION TANKS. I WAS SECOND IN LINE BEHIND THE TANK TO MY FRONT. AFTER 30 min. OR SO THERE WERE TWO MUFFLED EXPLOSIONS FROM UNDER THE TANK " ANTI PERSONAL MINES", BUT THE TANK WAS UNDAMAGED. NEXT THING THE TANK STOPPED AND THE COMMANDERS HEAD CAME OUT OF THE TORRENT. THAT'S IT HE SHOUTED, WERE OUT OF HERE, CAN’T AFFORD TO LOOSE A TANK! WHAT ABOUT ME I SAID, YOU'RE EXPENDABLE CAME HIS REPLY.

LITTLE DID I REALIZE HOW THINGS WOULD SOON GO FROM BAD TO WORSE!

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GOVERNMENT GOES TO WAR ON A SHOE STRING BUDGET. A 40 Yr. OLD TANK BECOMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF THE COUNTRY THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT. TODAY NOTHING HAS CHANGED, JUST LOOK AT IRAQ, OUR TROOPS DON'T GET BALLISTIC EYE PROTECTION BUT SKEW GLASSES. ABOUT ALL THEY CAN STOP IS WATER.

"A” COMPANY’S PART IN THE LONG HAI CAM PAIN WAS TO COME IN FROM THE BACK AND CUT OFF ANY ESCAPE BY THE Viet Cong WHO MAY WANT TO FLEE OUT THE BACK DOOR SO TO SPEAK.

AFTER WALKING FOR ABOUT 2 Hrs. WE CAME UPON AN AREA MARKED ON THE MAP AS A KNOWN MINE FIELD. THIS INFORMATION WAS SUPPLIED BY ARMY INTELLIGENCE. THE AREA WAS DIRECTLY BETWEEN US AND OUR INTENDED OBJECTIVE.

A CALL CAME OVER THE RADIO, IT WAS THE COMPANY COMMANDER Lt. COL. K. J. O' NEILL WANTING TO KNOW OUR POSITION. THE SERGEANT INFORMED HIM THAT WE WERE SKIRTING THE MINE FIELD AND IT WOULD TAKE ABOUT 2-3 Hrs. TO GO AROUND AND REACH OUR OBJECTIVE! THAT'S NO GOOD CAME THE REPLY, YOU HAVE ENGINEERS WITH MINE DETECTORS, GO STRAIGHT ACROSS. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE BEING THE STRETCHER BEARER MY POSITION IN LINE WAS BEHIND THE RADIO OPERATOR.

THIS ORDER COST THE LIVES OF 9 YOUNG AUSTRALIANS AND THE WOUNDING OF 16 OTHERS. I UNDERSTAND WE WERE IN A WAR ZONE BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT COMMON SENSE GOES OUT THE WINDOW.

IN THOSE DAYS IT WAS GOOD TO BE 21 YEARS OLD AND BELIEVE THAT NO BODY WOULD PUT YOU IN HARMS WAY FOR PERSONAL GLORY.

I TOLD YOU THINGS WOULD GET WORSE!

TO UNDER STAND THE STUPIDITY OF THIS ORDER ONE MUST REALIZE THAT IN VIETNAM, FIRST CAME THE JAPANESE IN THE SECOND WORLD WAR. FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY THE FRENCH, THEN THE AMERICANS AND ITS ALLIES. THIS COUNTRY HAS BEEN BOMBED, ARTILLERY FIRE, MORTAR ROUNDS AND FOR THE PAST 40 OR SO YEARS AND IN THIS VALLEY ALONE THERE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ONE INCH OF GROUND THAT DID NOT HAVE A PIECE OF SHRAPNEL ON IT, SO THE MINE DETECTORS NEVER STOPPED RINGING.

THE ENGINEERS DID THE BEST THEY COULD AND WE GOT A GOOD 20 Ft. IN BEFORE SOMEONE DIES-HE DISLODGED A STONE AND A M26 HAND GRENADE WITH AN ANTI LIFTING DEVICE ROLLED OUT (SHOWING IT WAS A EX ALLIED GRENADE). LUCKY FOR US DUE TO THE WEATHER CONDITIONS THE ARMING DEVICE HAD RUSTED UP AND THE GRENADE DID NOT GO OFF.

THE SERGEANT CALLED FOR A HALT BUT BY THE TIME THE SIGNAL GOT DOWN THE LINE THE PLATOON WAS STARTING TO BUNCH UP. ONE OF THE ENGINEERS WENT TO SECURE THE GRENADE BUT ON HIS WAY HE STOOD ON A M-16 JUMPING JACK MINE AND THE WORLD ERUPTED AROUND US.

WHEN I CAME TO I WAS ON MY BACK LOOKING AT THE SKY, BUT SOMEONE’S LEGS WERE ACROSS ME OBSCURING MY VIEW, I THOUGHT TO MY SELF WHAT THE F**K AND PUSHED THE LEGS OFF ME, IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT THEY WERE MY OWN LEGS. I LAY THERE FOR A WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, BUT WHEN I SAW ALL THE DUST AND COULD SMELL THE GUN POWDER IN THE AIR I SOON REALIZED WHAT HAD HAPPENED.

WHEN I GOT TO MY FEET, I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND THAT I WAS 15 TO 20 Ft. FURTHER BACK FROM WHERE I WAS LAST STANDING. I WALKED BACK TO WHERE I ORIGINALLY WAS ( I HAD WALKED THIS LINE PREVIOUSLY SO I WAS PRETTY SURE IT WAS SAFE) AND THE SCENE THAT AWAITED ME WAS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED.

I MADE A QUICK ASSESSMENT OF THE INJURED TO ASSIST WHO TO DEAL WITH FIRST. 15 Ft. TO MY FRONT , ACROSS UNKNOWN GROUND WAS A WOUNDED SOLDIER WITH MAJOR HEAD INJURIES. HE WAS THRASHING AROUND ON THE GROUND AND WAS LIBEL TO SET OFF ANOTHER MINE.

I GOT MY BAYONET AND STARTED TO PROBE MY WAY TO HIM, AFTER APPROX. 15 Min. I LOOKED BACK AND I HAD ONLY GONE 5 TO 8 Ft. AT THIS RATE HE COULD BE DEAD BEFORE I GOT TO HIM. I STOOD UP AND LOOKED AROUND AND THOUGHT THAT WITH ALL THE DEAD AND INJURED AROUND THE ONLY PERSON I COULD KILL WOULD BE MYSELF, SO I THREW THE BAYONET AWAY AND FROM THAT POINT ON I SIMPLY WALKED THE MINE FIELD, TRUSTING MY LIFE TO A HIGHER AUTHORITY. (HOPEFULLY ONE WITH MORE BRAINS) UNFORTUNATELY WHEN I REACHED HIM AND UPON A CLOSER INSPECTION HE WAS BEYOND ANY HELP I COULD OFFER HIM IN THE FIELD AND WITH THE CONCERN THAT HE MAY SET OFF ANOTHER MINE I HAD TO ASK BOB DARCY TO HOLD HIM AND KEEP HIM STILL FOR THE SAFETY OF THE REST OF US. ASKING BOB TO DO THIS STILL TROUBLES ME TO THIS DAY.

WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON Cpl. J. BARRETT WAS PROBING A LEVEL PIECE OF GROUND APPROX. 50 Ft. AWAY AS A LANDING SITE FOR THE MEDIVAC CHOPPERS AFTER SECURING THE AREA AND MARKING IT OUT WITH WHITE TAPE THE CHOPPERS CAME IN, THEY DID NOT LAND BUT HOVERED OVER HEAD LOWERING DOWN AN ENGINEER TO HELP WITH THE CLEARING OPERATION. WE WERE IN A VALLEY COMING DIRECTLY UP FROM THE OCEAN SO THERE WAS A LOT OF BREEZE . THIS BREEZE CAUSED THE CHOPPER TO SWAY QUITE A BIT AND JIMMY BARRETT WAS STANDING BELOW THE CHOPPER TO DIRECT THE MAN ON THE WINCH INTO THE SECURED AREA, THE SOLDIER WAS SWAYING IN THE BREEZE AND IN AN ATTEMPT TO KEEP THE MAN IN THE SAFE AREA JIM STEPPED ONE HEEL OUTSIDE THE MARKED AREA ONTO ANOTHER MINE. SADLY , JIM WAS KIA.

WHEN I SAW THE CHOPPERS LEAVE I GRABBED THE RADIO TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, I WAS THEN INFORMED BY THE PILOT THAT THEY WERE OUT OF HERE (SOUND FAMILIAR?) WELL BY THIS TIME I HAD COMPLETELY HAD IT WITH THIS ATTITUDE AND STARTED TO LET THE PILOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT OF HIM, JUST THEN OVER THE HANDSET CAME AND I QUOTE " THIS IS BRIGADIER HENDERSON HERE, WE WILL HAVE CORRECT RADIO PROCEDURE IF YOU DON'T MIND", IN STUNNED DISBELIEF I JUST LOOKED AT THE HANDSET, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME ? I THEN PROCEEDED TO TELL BRIG. HENDERSON THAT I WAS UP TO MY NECK IN BLOOD AND BODIES AND HE IS WORRIED ABOUT F*****G RADIO PROCEDURE ?

THEN OVER THE RADIO BROKE IN SOMETHING I WILL NEVER FORGET. THIS BROAD YANKEE DRAWL , YOU G-U-Y-S IN TROUBLE DOWN THERE , A FLIGHT OF AMERICAN HELICOPTERS RETURNING FROM FURTHER NORTH HEARD OUR RADIO PROCEDURE AND SAID THEY WOULD HELP , WELL FOR THE NEXT 4 HOURS THESE AMERICAN PILOTS CAME IN AND REMOVED THE DEAD AND WOUNDED WITH NO CONCERN FOR THE LOSS OF A CHOPPER OR THEIR OWN WELL BEING. TO THIS DAY I THINK BACK AND WONDER ?

WOULD I STILL BE SITTING IN THAT MINE FIELD BUT FOR THOSE BRAVE AMERICAN PILOTS ?

WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON I STILL HAD PLENTY TO DO AND IN ALL THAT TIME I NEVER HEARD ONE COMPLAINT FROM ONE INJURED SOLDIER, I GUESS THIS IS CALLED THE ANZAC SPIRIT.

SORRY, THE ONLY COMPLAINT I DID GET WAS FROM BRIG. HENDERSON. JIMMY BLAKE A CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE HAD 76 SHRAPNEL HOLES AND LOST AN ARM, WHILE I WAS TENDING TO HIM HE WAS CRACKING JOKES WITH ME.

AFTER ALL THE WOUNDED AND DEAD WERE REMOVED I WAS THE LAST TO GET ON THE CHOPPER, I LOOKED BACK OVER AN AREA NOW LITTERED WITH TORN WEBBING, BROKEN WATER BOTTLES AND EMPTY FIELD DRESSING WRAPPERS , I NOW KNOW WHAT A SHIPS CAPTAIN MUST FEEL LIKE TO BE THE LAST TO LEAVE A SINKING SHIP.

AFTER A DAY LIKE THIS, ONE WOULD THINK WE WOULD GO BACK TO BASE CAMP AT NUI DAT, HAVE A HOT SHOWER AND SLEEP IN A SECURE AND SAFE BED BUT N-O-O-O THE SURVIVORS WERE DROPPED OF AT FIRE SUPPORT BASE "ISA" WHERE WE WERE LEFT FOR THE NEXT 5 TO 6 DAYS BESIDE A MORTAR PLATOON.

REMEMBER THESE MEN ARE SURVIVORS OF A MINE FIELD; EVERY TIME A MORTAR ROUND WAS FIRED I WAS 3 Ft. OFF THE GROUND. AS WELL AS THIS MY GREENS WERE NO LONGER GREEN THEY WERE NOW BROWN, STAINED WITH BLOOD, THIS MADE ME THE SOLE ATTRACTION OF EVERY FLY IN VIETNAM. I OFTEN WONDER IF BY KEEPING US THERE, WERE THE HIERACHY TRYING TO HIDE THE EVIDENCE OF THIS HORRIFIC BLUNDER ?

I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR THE LAST TWO OR SO HOURS CRYING, TRYING TO FINISH OFF THIS DOCUMENT. MY TEARS ARE NOT FOR THE MATES I LOST. I HAVE LONG SINCE COME TO TERMS WITH THAT, MY TEARS ARE IN ANGER OVER THE STUPIDITY OF THE HIERACHY BOTH IN THE MILITARY AND IN GOVERNMENT.

THIS STORY IS NOT OVER BUT AS I SAID AT THE START THIS IS ONE DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CONSCRIPT THE REST IS ANOTHER DAY AND IT DIDNT GET MUCH BETTER.

DAN "DOC"CASEY MENTIONED IN DISPATCH

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Copyright© 12-27-2005 By Alan Norcott,
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LIVING WITH A VIETNAM VETERAN WITH P.T.S.D.

From the wife of a Vietnam veteran with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
By Coleen Norcott.

When I first met my husband, he had just come home from Vietnam. If I had known what it was like beforehand and what it was going to be like today, I might have had second thoughts about getting married to him. In 1997 on the 4th of March we will have been married for 25 years. He came across as a very likeable person, a bit arrogant, nervy and uptight all the time, but I put it down to where he had just come from. I really didn't think much about it. I always made excuses for his explosive temper and erratic behavior. I really didn't have any idea of what his life had been like over there and I still don't know to this day. Only little bits and pieces of stories that I hear along the way when he is talking to his army mates. At first I felt hurt because he wouldn't tell me anything about it, but would only talk to his mates. I got over that when I realized it wasn't me. He just couldn't bring himself to tell me what went on over there. It is hard to understand your own feelings about Vietnam let alone theirs' as well. Now I realize that my husband is not arrogant like I thought he was, but that there was something really wrong with him. We really didn't know anything was wrong with him until he went to his Doctor. He was going to work and wanting to get away as soon as possible all the time. He was very anxious, I don't know if it affects all Vietnam Veterans' like that But I do know that they get very aggressive with it as well. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder puts a lot of pressure on the family as a whole, and the effects of this disorder is quite devastating as well. Not knowing what they might do or are capable of doing. Especially if they are having a Flashback to Vietnam. You don't know what it is all about. The few pages I got when he first went into Hospital were really of no use at all. He is in Hospital at the moment, at the time of my starting to write this. He is there for maybe five weeks or more. They only put them into Buderim Private Hospital or Greenslopes. Buderim seems to be the better one. He was only diagnosed in November 1995 which hasn't been very long. As I said before, I used to think he was as ignorant AS WELL, but he was going deaf. We used to have a lot of really violent arguments about silly little things, like who was on the phone or someone at the door. He would go and hide in the room all the time and yell out who was it, instead of going and finding out for himself. He would go really crazy about little problems, but the major ones didn't seem to worry him at all. You must realize that the person you are married to now, is not the one you married a long time ago. There is a lot of stress put on you as the wife, because you are the one who is with him all the time. Especially if you don't work or you work from home you must be prepared to give it up like I did. What really started my husband thinking that maybe something was wrong, was the night my son came home from work and was telling me he was sick and tired of being mucked about by his Boss about his wages. His father was in bed and he came out and told him to stop talking to me like that. He then hit him and bruised his face, cracked his jaw and tore a couple of earrings out. Our son was 23 at that stage and it was the first time that his father had hit him. After that my husband decided to move out of the house and he moved into a flat at the back of a mates place for a little over 7 months. I used to do his shopping for him because he couldn't go into shopping centers and he still can't to this day. About that time he decided he should see his Doctor to see what was wrong, as he couldn't remember hitting his son. The Doctor was the one who picked up Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. After that I asked him to come back, which was very hard as I nearly lost my son over that decision. I told him that he had to give his father a chance. It has been hard but it has worked out. You are always in the middle all the time. He couldn't work out why our son would only talk to him when I was around. It was very hard at that time as I was a nurse working all shifts, another reason why he left home was that he couldn't trust himself in case he did it again or even worse. A lot of Veterans' are told they can be cured, but they can't! All they can try and do is to live with it and manage it with their medication. He is under a very good Psychiatrist. If I have any trouble I can ring him any time, day or night Even if it is only for me to talk to someone else. He usually tells me what to do or if it is about time he went back into Hospital again for awhile. He only sleeps for a couple of hours a night, which makes it hard for you as you need your sleep as well, so as to be able to cope with what might happen the next day. You really don't know what the next day will be like. My husband is on the strongest sleeping tablets you can get, his Doctor has to get permission to write out a script for them. He takes two of them a night as well as the rest of his tablets. He now gets a lot more sleep. There is a lot of pressure on the household as you don't know what it will be like in the morning. It could be a good day, but more often than not they are bad days and there are a lot more of them than good days. Some Veterans' get violent to you or other people, others get to the stage of being suicidal. Thank goodness my husband is not like that, as I don't think that I could cope if he was like that. They can talk to other Veterans', because, as I have been told many times, they don't have to explain to them and it would help to bring out a lot of unwanted memories. I have been saying to my husband for a while that, how am I supposed to understand if he doesn't tell me anything about it as that is the only way I will get to understand. The only way I get to know anything is what I read, and that is not the true account of what happened,. I do get to hear a little bit, but that is only when he sees his Psychiatrist and that is only when something is really worrying him. But you must go with him when he sees his Doctor, as they may change his medication and sometimes they forget to tell you. For the last few months I have been working a couple of days a week voluntary work for just a couple of hours a day. It's so I can get a break from him for a while. When it gets to the stage that you and the Veteran can't cope, that is the time to try and get him back into Hospital. You will find that if you are used to him going to work and then you find him home with you all the time, it is a very big adjustment to have to make. If the Veteran is a drinker and a heavy one as well, you will find he may start to drink even more. You will find the verbal abuse gets worse and after awhile you can't even talk to them. You will also find with their medication, they will even tell you that you are trying to poison them. They don't seem to have any feelings for you anymore, only their feelings count all the time and not yours or anybody else. They don't seem to care what they are saying to you or how much it hurts either. You are supposed to just take what they are saying and not say anything back to them or have an opinion about it. When a Veteran has P.T.S.D. they always want to know where you are going, who you are seeing and how long you will be. Try and make sure you are back as close as you can to that time, otherwise it may cause another argument. Every thing seems to have to revolve around them, you get the feeling that you have to do everything for them because they can't, or they won't. It causes a lot of problems especially if you have other things to do as well. Don't get me wrong, I still love my husband, but it is very hard to still feel that way towards a person who doesn't seem to have the same feelings for you. They don't even want to put an arm around you at all. When it gets really bad for your own safety you will probably not even be able to sleep in the same bed or the same room. They want to push you away all the time which causes a lot of anxiety for you. I may seem hard, but after all the years of abuse and violent temper and being told that you are no good for anything you start to believe it. The hardest part is trying to get through to them that what they are saying to you is really hurtful. They make you feel worthless and you lack confidence at anything you attempt to do. Over the years it does take its toll on you. You find that you can't take any criticism about anything, you get in a deep depression, which is very hard as well. If friends of theirs come over, they seem to be waiting for you to leave them on their own so you can't hear what they are saying. It's as if they have secrets they want to talk about but not in front of you, they don't believe that you are worried about them. It gets to the stage that no matter what you do or say is not right. You get to the stage that you want to go out in the yard and scream at the top of your voice. But it wouldn't do you any good. Even when you cook a meal and it is the same way you have done it before, it is not good enough. Or your hair or clothes are all wrong as well. Just silly little things. When my husband gets into one of his moods, and sometimes it is violent and abusive, they call you a lot of names and afterwards they don't even remember and virtually call you a liar, which is very hard to cope with. I have found that you get to the stage that you have to go somewhere on your own, even to the bedroom and have a good cry. I can tell you it does feel better after that. You seem to be in the middle with your children and the Veteran seems to get more aggressive at night, as that was their time in Vietnam to be more alert. I have met a lot of Veterans' and they all seem to be a little different, but not by much. My husband was going at 100 mile per hour all the time, but he has slowed down a lot now. Maybe I think too much. They get the opinion they are the only people in the house that is able to have an opinion. If you say anything, it usually ends up in an argument. You feel like packing up and not coming back a lot of the time. My husband has been told his liver is really bad, and that he is to stop drinking, but he doesn't seem to really worry about it. It apparently showed up in a blood test that he has three crosses and you are only supposed to have one cross. They told him if he gets another cross there is nothing they can do. He has had three Cancer spots cut off his throat, and then another two a few months later. There is more growing there again and he has been told to stop smoking but he doesn't care about it. He smokes just as heavy as before. This is about all I have to say. I was told that it was an ongoing thing and that you can't really put an end to it. You will find out for yourselves as the years go by.

Coleen Norcott MAY 1997

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