A Winter Tale

Spring never seemed to come, really. There was only the emptiness following all that past last Winter. Fall seemed only a cruel reminder of what was no longer a part of my life.... More loss to mock the Loss I felt within.And now, the cruel, cold Winds of winter seem to be creeping forth to taunt me. They tease me with the knowlege they know of the Emptiness inside me, and soon they shall reveal it to the whole world -A dead and empty Season to act as a Mirror to the Void within me.

I have no Fear, though, of this cruel and unrelenting Winter. I do not fear its unflinching gaze which penetrates my soul and shows me all that I would hide from even myself. I do not dread the coming of the Cold, now. I welcome the winds which will tear at my pretensenses and rip away my feeble defense, laying bare all that I have fought so desperately all these Seasons past to keep hidden. It's stark and brutal Honesty does not frighten me. I have no more will to hide, or to fight, what this Winter brings.

And as Winter creeps into my soul, and I gaze at the stark inner landscape of my Being, I take Peace in the Harshness of it all. Bare, lifeless Branches contrast darkly against a colorless sky, as an indifferent wind blows itself out among them. Silence falls, heavy and weighted, upon the unnaturally still world. Within me, winter winds blow away the last scraps of illusion, leaving only the Truth, as harsh and colorless as the landscape.

I am at home here, in this Empty world. I am at peace among its stark Truths and cold Winds. I am content to stay here, alone, and see the me you left behind reflected in everything around me.Here, I know what to Believe in. Nothing.

Spring was the season of False Hopes. Summer, a bouquet of empty promises, doomed to wither like any common flower cut from its vine. Fall brought that Withering, and the Truth. I hid, still, from the Truth, and hoped against hope. But the Flowers all withered, along with your promises, and my Tears were the Petals that fell heavy upon the ground. I saved those flowers, dried and pressed, along with the promises, never knowing that their rustling echo would be my only company in an Empty winter. As I step, I see the Petals I cried mixed in with the ice crushed beneath my feet. I look behind me, and watch the Petals now freed from the ice scatter and Dance in the winds.

Where are you now as I wander this Winter alone? What warm winds carry your laughter through your days as I struggle through this Empty world in Silence? If I broke this silence and called out to you would you hear? Would you know my voice now stripped bare of any warmth and just an echo of old Petals on the Wind blowing through an Empty world?  Would you answer?

It really doesn't matter. I won't call out. I do not break the silence except with the echo of my footsteps and the rustle of dried and withered flowers still clutched in my pockets and my heart.And I've stopped crying, for the Petals that once fell astears, soft and sweet, now fall as dry and withered as all the rest. No, I won't call out.....

But as I walk alone in this Winter which is my Heart, I pause, and catch a handfull of petals which have fallen unbidden as I thought of you. Gathering them up, I lift them gently in your direction, and helped by the cold winter winds, I blow them toward you. I walk alone here in a stark and somber silence, but maybe - just maybe - when you see Petals floating towards you on a lonely wind, you will think of me and smile.