1 Beer makes you feel better when you have your period.
 2 Beer goes where you want it to.
 3 Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while
     you try on shoes at the mall.
 4 Your beer never suffers performance anxiety.
 5 When your beer won't get a head up, you can toss it out.
 6 Beer doesn't stand there tapping it wristwatch.
 7 No woman ever got stood up by a beer.
 8 A beer doesn't start a fistfight with an ale.
 9 Puking will rid you of that queasy feeling you get when
     you made the wrong choice. 
10 Beer doesn't get drunk and call you at 3am to beg.
11 You don't need a restraining order with bad beer.
12 I never met a beer with a criminal record.
13 Beer labels come off when you want them to.
14 When you go to a bar, you can pick up a beer without worrying
     about that tan line on his ring finger.
15 You can pick up a beer in a bar right in front of your mom
     and she won't mind.
16 Beer never has a bad temper.
17 A beer won't toss you in the passenger seat of a
     Mazda RX7 and show you it can go 100MPH on a flat stretch.
18 A beer doesn't bring strange people home with it.
19 You don't have to worry about a gag reflex with beer.
20 You can talk to your girlfriends about your beer without it getting 
      pissed off.
21 You have a good idea where that beer has been before you got it.
22 No one ever had to sleep in a beer spot.
23 Beer doesn't dis' you because you are a babe.
24 A beer won't shove its hand up your dress at your graduation party.
25 You don't have to fake it for a beer. Beer has no ego.
26 A cold beer is a good beer.
27 Beer tastes good.
28 Beer doesn't leave you. It snuggles around your hips for a lifetime.
29 A beer doesn't hate your cat.
30 You can get six at once without taxing yourself.
31 A beer doesn't mind if you don't finish.
32 A beer won't leave the lid up.

 1 You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
 2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
 3 Job interfering with your drinking.
 4 Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
 5 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
 6 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
 7 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence???
 8 Two hands and just one mouth - now THAT's a drinking problem!
 9 You can focus better with one eye closed.
10 The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.
11 You fall off the floor...
12 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
13 The glass keeps missing your mouth.
14 Vampires and mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
15 Your idea of cutting back means less salt.
16 "I'm not drunk, you're just sober"
17 The whole bar says "HI!" when you come in.
18 "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
19 Roseanne looks good.
20 You don't recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass.
21"That damned pink elephant followed me home again."
22 You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
23 "I'm as jober as a sudge."
24 You've fallen and you can't get up.
25 When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle.
26 "Beertender! Get me another bar!"
27 You wake up in the bedroom,your underwear is in the bathroom,
     you fell asleep clothed.