My Gabrielle. My Gabrielle has to be the most patient person in existence. I can't believe she has stuck by me even through all the events that have occurred. But I'm consumed with emotions that I have never had
to deal with before. It is this newness that has me shivering since our first night as lovers. How I cried at your disappointment when I could not let go. How I tried to explain to you that it was me and not you. You did everything
so right, my body felt so good! I felt it with your very hands, your fingers, your tongue, as my very essence covered you. But I am not ready for the vulnerability that is accompanied with this. To hand myself to you
would mean diminishing myself in your eyes. Right? Would you still accept me if I were just a plain woman? Aren't I supposed to be your warrior? Ready to protect you, to die for you? I can never be weak, I can't lose control.
I'm sitting here on this cool night, feeling so ashamed. Everyday I sit and say, yes, today will be the day that I will let go. Today will be the day that I will finally let my Gabrielle bring me the release that
we are both craving. But I know that today will be no different than yesterday. Or the day before. Who am I kidding? We play this game without a winner, without an end, with Gabrielle searching for rules that don't exist.
I feel your eyes on me. I know you are sitting over there, watching, wishing that tonight will be the night. Just as you have every night that we've been together.
I close my eyes in pain. I remember last night's attempt at
making love. You have so much passion! You try so hard to get me to relax. I can still hear you coo soft reassuring words
to me. Desperately grasping at anything that comes to mind, hoping you'll say the magic word or words
that will release me from my hell. Oh my Gabrielle, you have no idea how your words
warm my heart. No other lover has ever been as thoughtful with me as you have. Your touch is so inflaming! How many times have I tried to tell
you that you do everything right. You are not lacking skill or imagination.
My heart
cries at your sadness. You are not a failure, my love. It is me who is the failure. Why do you stay with me?
Every night I'm amazed at the trust you place in me. Night after night I take you
to ecstasy. I helplessly follow you simply because you let me. Your cries of pleasure ring out through the night. And I make sure
I'm always there to hold you, to let you know you are safe with me. You whisper your
love. I cry on you. This is our nightly ritual.
We have been traveling together for three cycles or so, but only lovers for one and you
have been so patient all this time. Our recent trials have only made me love you more.
That we could survive the worst has shown me that regardless of what I think, we
were meant to be together. My love
for you is so great, that I couldn't bring myself to darken the only light spot in my heart.
Your body warmth behind me bring me out of my reverie. The game is beginning. You slowly circle around me. I glance
up and I am startled at the feral look on your face. Your lust is evident. I wonder
what were you thinking when you were sitting over there watching me. Some new
plan perhaps? Times like this I thank the gods that my failure to release has
not dampened your desire for me. Yet your look is unaturally raw tonight. I experience fear. A new feeling for me. Tonight is not a game.
You stand before me in all your glory, the light from
the fire casting colorful hues on your nude body. I am in awe. I quickly forget
all my thoughts and concentrate on the gift that is before me.
You begin to move forward, your graceful moves are predatory, erotic. Putting one hand on
either side of my shoulders, you sit on my lap, straddling me. I feel your hand softly cup
my face. Your gaze penetrates me, searching. What do see?
My fear returns much stronger.
"Do you love me?" I ask, barely able to breathe. That gaze
leaves me uncertain. Will I be able to handle the answer? 'Can you still love me after all of the pain that I constantly
bring you,' I ask myself.
"I will never stop loving you, Xena." She whispers. "You are my guidance,
my strength, my wisdom. Without you, I would be incomplete. There is nothing
about you I would change." Gabrielle leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Nothing."
Her hands played all over my body, dissolving me into nothing. Her tongue commanded
me. Her hands guided me. We have done this so many times, yet I always tremble, the feeling too much for me.
"Xena." she whispers. "I love your dark side."
I gasp in surprise. I feel myself tremble harder.
"Ssshhh. I never told you before because I'm ashamed to admit it. But I revel in
watching you fight, watching that part of you surface. I love it when your eyes sparkle with fire. I love the fear
you instill everywhere we go."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What are you saying, Gabrielle." I choked
out.
"I am saying that I'm in love with a warrior. The most feared warrior all around
and I love saying she is mine!" she finished passionately.
She pushed me backward and we tumbled around 'til we fitted together tightly. There was
an urgency to her tonight. I was enveloped in this world of emotions, passion, a flight to pleasure.
"Tonight, I want my *warrior* to come out for battle." She hissed. "I don't want
to make love to Xena, I want to fuck the Warrior Princess." she growled.
She pinned my arms along side of my head. Her lips crushed mine,
her ferocity sending me down new sexual roads. My mind was desperately trying to match this highly arousing person with my sweet gentle bard. However, the assault on my body did not let me think clearly.
"Gabrielle!" I gasped. I tried moving my arms. I couldn't lose control.
"What do you think you are doing!" she growled. "I'm tired of your fears and pettiness. From now on, things will go my way." She said into my ear, finishing it with a hard bite on my lobe.
I felt her thighs try to part mine and then she roughly opened them wide. Before I knew what to think of her words or her actions, I was impaled. The world as I knew it shattered. I felt myself escalating to an unknown area of colors and pleasures.
"Tonight is my night, Warrior Princess." She hissed in my ear. "You will not deny me what is rightfully mine anymore."
Her words were woven in with the patterns of sensation coursing through my body. Our bodies moved in unison. Our sweat mingled. Then, I felt a pulling sensation. I was losing control! I started to panic. I tried to hold back, but the pulling continued. 'Oh gods!' My mind was screaming at me.
Words penetrated my chaos.
"You will not deny me!"
I felt myself snap. I heard myself yell out Gabrielle's name. My entire world, at that glorious moment of release, consisted of nothing but my bard and the love I felt for her. I was sharing bliss with my one and only. I had let go of my fears.
I came to awareness with the weight of my precious one on top of me. Our tears mixed. We were two shaking leaves caught up in a storm, desperately clinging together.
"Xena, I will always love you. You will always be my warrior." Gabrielle whispered to me, her strong grip on me anchoring me down. "Nothing and no one will change that. You are always safe with me."
I felt her nuzzle my neck. Soft lips soothing me. Her words calmed the slow fear that had started to build again. I had trusted her with everything, left myself as open as humanly possible and she still loved me. She still loved me!
"Hold me please, just hold me." I cried. I will face this in the morning. Right now, I just basked in the glow that was my Gabrielle.
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