You simply aren't gonna believe this! The other day I stopped in at Braum's ice cream store, for a cheeseburger and a quick reading session. ( I almost always read while eating, unless I have company, of course; and I'm almost always reading freethought materials of some sort--books, magazines, or newsletters--with science and philosophy books thrown in for good measure.)

Anyway, I was sitting there reading and eating, when a man walked in leading four small children--I would guess their ages to be from two to eight years old.
They sat across the aisle and about two booths down from me. The kids were obviously excited about the ice cream, as the man sat a tray of scrumptious concoctions in the middle of the table. There were, of course, five items: three assorted sundaes and two banana splits. At first, I wasn't so much watching the kids and their dad as I was eyeing the banana splits, trying to decide if I might need one after my cheesburger. Perhaps I should change that to "want" one...
I definitely don't "need" one.

I was about to return my eyes to my book when "dad" instructed all the kids to join hands around the ice cream and bow their heads, while he "gave thanks."
I did a 'double take' and I'm almost certain my mouth dropped open; but dad, praying intently and audibly, didn't notice the stunned stranger across the way. I kept thinking to myself..."ice cream...my god, he's praying over ice cream." One of his charges, a little girl, seemed even less enthusiastic about his performance than I was. She kept looking up from her bowed-head position to check the ice cream and to cock her head sideways toward dad with a rather impatient look. I imagined to myself that if she were praying for anything at all, it was for dad to hurry up and finish before the ice cream melted.

I couldn't make out what he was saying in his tasteless public performance.
I could only imagine. How does one say grace over ice cream? What does one ask of the divine soda-jerk in the sky?  "Bless this confection to the nourishment of our bodies?" Ha. That's a laugh! Nourishment? Perhaps..."Lord, remove all the calories and cholesterol from that which we are about to consume." Now there's an idea. If that could be done, I might be tempted to prayer myself. Maybe..."forgive us this day, these sinful desserts, and lead us down the paths of jogging, tomorrow."

Actually, I should be use to all this public grace-saying by now. I've seen it daily for at least a dozen years. The first time, it shocked me, much as today's event has. It always repulses me, and makes me embarrassed for the people involved. It's one thing to make a fool of one's self (I'm certainly no exception); but to do it publicly and on purpose is quite another. I thought Jesus told these people to pray privately, "in a closet." It just shows you how much attention they really pay to 'his' teachings.

There's something else that's always bothered me---why is it just the beginning of the life-sustaining eating process that gets blessed? I mean, why not follow it all the way through? Why not bless our bowel movements? I'm not being facetious, here. Well, okay...maybe I am...just a little. But isn't the end of the process just as important as the beginning? Should "give us this day, our daily bread" be any more important than say..."give us this day, our daily crap?"
Afterall, without the latter, the former could kill us, in a very short time.
I simply don't see the purpose of blessing every little thing we put into our mouths, unless we also give thanks when it comes out the other end; for if it didn't, we wouldn't last very long.

The pre-digestive blessing being termed "Grace", we could round things off by calling the post-digestive blessing "Gross", which really simplifies things, since that's what we usually call it anyway. One thing is for certain...the "Gross" would definitely remain a private, 'in the closet' activity. We heathens wouldn't have to worry about being offended by any public Gross-saying, in the way that we're bombarded with all this public Grace-saying.

But I digress. Back to the kids and their ice cream---I simply felt so sorry for them. Seeing such extreme measures of religious indoctrination forced upon 'little persons' of such young age always makes me sad. Which, if any of them, will ever develop the individualism to think for himself? Which will someday be leading his own children in grace over ice cream? It's not my problem, yet it bothers me. I'm sad for the children.

I was about to get up to leave, when an employee came out of a side room pushing a vacuum cleaner. Emblazoned vertically down the front of the bag,
in big gold letters, were the words, JESUS SAVES. I'm not making this up!
Oh, how I wanted to suggest changing three letters in the second word.......
making the vacuum cleaner connection more apropos, but instead I just
bit my tongue and walked out the door! I gotta get outta this town!

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