R E L I E F

Respect Every Life In Every Family

Editorial

1997 marks the 50th year - the Golden Jubilee year of Indian Independence: a moment of special celebration, a time to relish the fruits of freedom, a period of significant achievement and within the immediate geo-political region, we, as a nation, are the most sustained democracy; thereby becoming "a tryst with destiny" carried forward.

However with the dawn of Independence we pledged to be a nation based on the principle of Truth and Justice. "Satya meva jayate" (Truth alone triumphs) we sing. Yet the hopes and aspirations of the common person seem to be a mirage.

The world is in such a turmoil where greed, lust, hatred and violence at all stages, bribery and corruption are rampant. The dignity of the human person and the sacredness of life are fast disappearing in our world. Tension and anxiety are the order of the day! Can we call ourselves free?

We, in Pro-Life, choose a spirit of autonomy not to devastate life but to affirm life wherever/whenever it emerges.

"RELIEF" represents in this issue the TRUE meaning of freedom, the inner traumas and agonies of men during the violence of abortion in an adaptation titled "The Silent Sufferers". The newsletter also engages with the practice of chastity which provides inner strength to enjoy the freedom and liberty of the children of God. And then, there is news - all that we should know about the life-affirming practices of the larger world.

During this Golden Jubilee year of India's Freedom, we, in Pro-Life have to renew our promises to all the people that we will fight without compromise for human life's right to exist and to be.

"For some men,abortion's 'easy way out' causes long-term guilt, confusion and bitterness. The sin of abortion is in the shadows of our hearts. It's a dark place."

At 41, Anand Kumar is the epitome of a responsible husband and father. He'll tell you, unabashedly, that he loves his wife and children. He works hard operating his own construction business to provide a home for them. And it's clear that he would do anything - even, he says, "lay down my life" - to protect his family from harm.

But it wasn't always so.

Between the ages of 22 and 25, three of his children, conceived with different women, were aborted - all with his assent. In the third instance, he escorted his girlfriend - now his wife - to the abortion clinic, and sat in the waiting room as the procedure was performed.

"Those women and those children were the victims of my irresponsibility", says Anand Kumar. When we found out about the pregnancies, he says, he could have tried to convince the women to keep the babies by assuring them he could provide for them. But, he didn't.

Anand Kumar isn't alone. Across the country of India, millions of men have struggled with the same pain. Psychologists say that fathers of aborted children may experience guilt, hostility, frustration and loneliness - sometimes years after the abortion. Some report reccurring nightmares that center on the abortion or on the child they never knew. "Men can live in denial more easily than women, because they are better at avoiding their feelings. But it's there. No matter how much you try to avoid it, it's there," says Kumar.

Vincent Rue, co-ordinator of the Institute for Pregnancy loss Portsmouth, New Haven, USA., says that even when men desperately want to take responsibility for a child, they have no legal recourse if a woman decides against the wishes of her husband or boyfriend to have an abortion.

Reconciliation to the death of one's unborn child involves the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness, for abortion flows from being willing to know the truth and tell the truth.

In the previous issue of RELIEF (May/June) the article "What abortion does to a mother", the mother realizes the felt need of confession, reconciliation and forgiveness to regain peace, harmony and self-confidence... so also does the father.

"I have peace of mind now. I know that what I did was wrong, but I know God has forgiven me. I can go on with my life, And, I believe my children are in heaven," says Kumar.

"For either sex, the loss of a child is a loss like none other. Guilt and grief can be tenacious, and they cannot be willed away". Rue says.

For post-abortive men, the Silent Sufferers, Rue suggests the following therapies:

• Accept and acknowledge your feelings, and stop resisting them,
• Allow yourself to grieve over the death of your child.
• Talk with others, to vent grief and guilt.
• Learn how to forgive yourself and others.

CHASTITY IS

THE FREEDOM OF JESUS

They take boys who have no hope and help them win

Eighteen boys who fought hunger, indignity and illiteracy have conquered penury and secured a first division in Madhyamik '97 of Bengal Board Examination. The remarkable aspect about them is that they are all first-generation literates. These boys belong to a missionary home, run by Ramakrishna Mission monks in Rahara, a small village in West Bengal.

Swami Jayananda, secretary of the home, said, "Most of the boys had little to call their own when the monks took them in. They had no money, no education, no self-confidence and no direction". It was in the home that the boys learnt to hope and try. While the monks laid stress on education they also imparted spiritual training, something that will stand them in good stead.

"The home spends around Rs. 700 a month on each boy. When we see that a boy has potential, he is given more training to hone his skills." But will these boys have the drive to carry on? Do they have the ambition? "Our boys are brilliant students, but they lack ambition. They have never seen the good life," said a monk.

First Indian to win Pew Foundation Award

Fr. Thomas Kocherry of the National Fisherworkers' Forum has become the first Indian to win the $150,000 Pew Foundation Award. The triennial (1997-2000) award went to Fr. Kocherry for fighting against foreign fishing vessels fishing in Indian waters under the guise of joint ventures. Fr. Thomas Kocherry CSsR, a Redemptorist priest, was ordained in 1971. Generally called Tom Koch, he began his work with fishermen in 1972. He founded the National Fisher- workers Forum (NFF) which now unites the traditional fisher people all over the country.

Home for commercial sex workers with AIDS started

Inspired by Mother Teresa of Calcutta, a group of doctors and social workers have set up a trust to care for sex workers with AIDS and the children they will leave behind in Ahmednagar, Maharashtra.

Started with about thirteen rupees and "much faith in providence", the trust provides sex workers who brave AIDS with counselling and medical care and looks after their children. Marcia Warren, a Catholic physician, said Snehalaya Sanstha (SS) Institute of Compassion was founded because the Government and voluntary groups ignore AIDS victims, who often have no health plan to help address their condition. Most of the sex workers are left to "fend for themselves" after contracting AIDS, Warren said, adding that brothel-keepers and pimps keep all of the women's earnings.

SS has invited similar-thinking people to join its efforts. Annual membership is ten rupees, and the trust's only other income is donations from its sixty-eight members, mostly doctors and social workers. The trustees said they would not approach political parties, funding agencies or religious groups, saying they were motivated by Mother Teresa's faith in divine providence. In June, SS was providing medical care to nineteen AIDS affected commercial sex workers and its rehabilitation centre was housing twenty-three children of sex workers.

Pushpa Bhave a trustee said the centre eases victims' worries for their children's future. The women, meanwhile, are sheltered so they do not work and spread the disease. Rani, 35, a sex worker with AIDS, said the centre looks after her daughters, aged 6 and 9. "That they will be cared for when I am no more is consoling", she said.

Priest offers inactive Catholics a sympathetic ear in Cyberspace

Do you know someone who won't practise the faith because of a perceived problem with the Catholic Church? Now there is a sympathetic ear in cyberspace where inactive Catholics can get things off their chests and perhaps begin the healing process that might lead them back to the fold.

Redemptorist Fr. William F. Mckee, who has spent 14 years ministering to inactive Catholics, recently created his own web site for this same purpose.

He is inviting inactive Catholics and all who are dissatisfied with the Church to contact him via the Internet at http: www.jc1.com/william