R E L I E F

Respect Every Life In Every Family

Editorial

"24 year old housewife sets herself ablaze unable to bear dowry harassment".... "16 year old boy hangs himself after failing the SSLC exams"... "Businessman and family of four consume poison unable to bear financial losses..."

Everyday, these headlines stare us in the face as distressed people take the final step of ending their own lives. What are the reasons behind suicide? What insurmountable problems confronted these people to make it seem like death was the only solution ? How many of these lives could have been saved if only there was someone there for them at that crucial hour? And what of the loved ones left behind to deal with the deep emotional wounds ?

It is these and other questions we ask ourselves in this issue of RELIEF, our bi-monthly newsletter. We examine the motives for suicide, the warning signals to watch out for in people contemplating suicide and possible preventive measure.

Dr.Ajit Bhide, a well-known psychiatrist at St.Martha's discusses suicide prevention, while a group of young people from Befrienders International, a voluntary organisation, offers friendly assistance and a patient ear. VISHWAS is another voluntary organisation that offers and confidential counseling by trained and concerned staff to put people in distress back on the road to life.

In these stressful times hopefully we can tune ourselves to be more sensitive to another's need, making time for someone who's going through a bad phase, listen, reassure and reason with someone who feels there's nothing left to live for... and we can make a difference in someone's life - which could well be the difference between life and death.

by Dr.Ajit V.Bhide, M.D.

The fatal blow of suicide spreads a wave of guilt, remorse anger and anguish in its wake - And yet, so often that blow seems to have been preventable; the mind always wisens in retrospect ! "If only...", we bear so many people say.

In an age when religion is commonly relegated to a backseat and moral values seem to change rapidly to accommodate the need for material wellbeing, it is not surprising that the act of suicide becomes a major killer.

Who are the people most at risk for suicide? Persons who have been suffering for long periods seem maximally at risk. Suicide seems the inevitable end to many people undergoing the hardship of a crippling or fatal physical condition such as cancer or of a mental illness such as depression. The chance of persons who are thus afflicted trying to end their lives seems to multiply several times over when they have no family or some other form of social support. In other words, when suffering is compounded by loneliness, the risk of suicide phenomenally goes up. In the West, people above the age of 60 seem to be at a great risk because of their intense loneliness. The situation for the elderly does not seem so bad (yet!) in a country like ours.

Another group who seem to be at high risk for suicide are individuals in their adolescence or young adulthood. This has something to do with a romantic notion about suicide being an act of great courage. But when young people who have attempted or committed suicide are studied in retrospect, it is often found that some trivial stress in life was the provoking factor. Such factors include disappointment in one's love life, in being unsuccessful in examinations or in pursuing a career. Sometimes, however, the stress is far from trivial - as in the case of a young female who is being forced into a marriage which she is not at all keen about. This type of situation is not at all uncommon in our country.

Most persons who end their lives willfully do so after giving amplewarning of their intentions. Families and persons who intend

to help prevent this malicious malady should sensitize themselves to picking up the signals that warn of a suicide in the offing. A young man in a hostel had been noticed to withdraw gradually from all social contacts, then over a period of week he returned all the books and other material he had borrowed from friends and relatives before committing the fatal act. Not infrequently, intending suicides will leave notes to explain their act. When persons openly voice their desire to end their lives, they should always be taken seriously. On the other hand, some may be more subtle, and rather than talk about suicide as such, may engage in talk about the uselessness of life or of its meaninglessness.

The organised battle against suicide began in this century with greater awareness of mental illness and anguish. An important landmark in this battle was the settling up of "hotlines" - telephones for those in distress who were contemplating the taking of their lives to relieve themselves of the suffering of life! The Samaritans in the UK and later several similar organisations the world over, have made themselves available to needy souls who have been saved.

In working in the field of suicide preventation it is important to ensure that one's motivation and commitment are genuine and complete. Noble intentions alone are not enough and if not backed up by committed action can indeed bring greater misery into the life of an already distressed person.

Many around us are fighting a battle within themselves. Fighting feelings of deep sadness and hopelessness...feelings that compel them to finally take their lives because of an overpowering sense of personal failure.

People who have attempted to take their lives seem to believe that they are personally responsible for not living up to the societal and personal expectations. They experience a deep sense of loneliness and isolation from other people.

The experience of sadness and loneliness is very real to the person who is considering suicide - so real that he or she is driven to deliberately cut the delicate thread of his or her own life.

But they do such feelings arise..and with such intensity?

Can't be happy

In the opinion of many scholars, "mental health" is another name for personal happiness. A mentally healthy person is generally comfortable with himself and behaves acceptably in the eyes of his fellow-men.

Many verbal definitions of mental health have been attempted, but when they go beyond the portrait of a "happy man" they end in a tangle of words.

Can't Love

Sigmund Freud's description of a mentally healthy person is very meaningful, especially when we try to understand suicide. He says that a person is mentally healthy to the extent that he can love and work. A person's ability to love and work, involves two factors. The first is the individual himself. Much depends on the individual concerned...his perceptions, his development, his environment and so on.

Can't Adjust.

The second factor is the fact that there are others around the individual. The question of mental health is centered around the individual's ability to make appropriate adjustments between himself and the world around him. Adjustment is the keyword. All of us have needs. Needs that are integral to survival...the necessity for food, shelter are universal. We also have emotional needs...all of us require love and affection. Security needs are also important. Life would be simple indeed if our needs were immediately and automatically satisfied. But, as we know, there are many obstacles, both environmental and internal which inter fere with the satisfaction of our needs.

Such obstacles place demands upon us that require us to adjust and balance external realities with internal needs. Making the necessary adjustments...finding the correct balance can cause stress and pressure. All of us have the skills to learn to make these adjustments.

Every problem has some kind of a solution. But, sometimes the experience is so stressful that the answers don't seem to be adequate and the future looks extremely bleak.

When feelings of hopelessness, loneliness an sadness are overpowering, suicide becomes a reality.

Pushing factors

It is important that we understand what the forces are that push a person to taking this extreme step.

Depression

Depression is a disturbance of mood. It is charactersied by loss of enthusiasm, dejection and discouragement, slowing down of mental and physical activity and an all pervading sense of hopelessness.

Depression could be the result of life-events...death of a loved one, losing a job, failure in examination...any experience of loss can trigger feelings of depression.

Depression can also be the result of disturbance in the biochemical system of the body. Depression of any sort could become so severe that the desire to carry on living is itself lose.

Life-events.

Suicide could also result from life events that place the individual in a situation that appears hopeless.

People who have deliberately harmed themselves have experienced four times as many stressful life-events in the six months before the attempt than people who have never considered the thought of suicide.

The life-events that rigger deliberate self-harm could be anything. a quarrel with a friend, separations, illness..anything could create stress within an individual.

"Run out"

A very important fact to remember is that the person experiencing hopelessness is under so much stress and strain, that his or her resources to cope with problems have run out. The fact that there are answers and solutions is beyond the ken of those individuals.

The act of deliberate self-harm is very often an act of desperation. It could very well be cry for help.

You can help

Much can be done help people who are experiencing feelings of extreme hopelessness. In most cases, a warning is given by the person in distress, before he or she actually makes an attempt at suicide.

In interviews held with relatives and friends of those who had committed suicide, it was found that suicidal ideas had been

expressed by over two-thirds of the deceased. Definite intent to "end it all", was expressed by more than one-third of the group in this study.

It is also seen that, very often, the warning bell is given to more than one person. The obvious warning sign is a direct statement that one is going to commit suicide.

It is a myth that those who talk about suicide do not intend to actually take their lives. On the contrary, two thirds of those who die by suicide, have told someone about it.

Therefore, people who express suicidal thoughts, should not be regarded lightly, especially if you know they are already in distress.

(This article by Gideon Arulmani of Befrienders India, appeared in The Catalyst, September '95)

Befriending in a Crisis

The volunteers at these centres are men and women chosen for their human qualities; warmth, compassion and understanding. They are able to work in confidentiality and remain anonymous.

The volunteers function as friends to people who are feeling desperate, lonely or suicidal. What the volunteers do is called "befriending". In other words, being there to listen with empathy and with an open mind to troubled individuals.

The volunteers are non-professionals who make no pretence about their being therapists, counsellors or crisis managers. But they are carefully selected and rigorously trained. They listen, help sort things out, but never to a person as to what he or she ought to do.

AUSTRALIA REJECTS ASSISTED SUICIDE.

After a long study, Australia has rejected assisted suicide. On Tuesday, 25 March, the Federal Senate rejected the Northern Territory's Right of the Terminally Ill Act. The vote was 38 to 33 following an earlier vote by the House of 88 to 35. The measure had been introduced by Senator Kevin Andrews. Its effect was to cancel, to render null and void an act passed last year in the Northern Territory that legalized voluntary euthanasia.

Mrs.Kath Harrigan, spokeswoman for the Australian Federation of Right of Life Associations, stated that this vote "will be remembered as one of Australia's finest hours...It will greatly relieve aged and infirm Australians whose lives and happiness were traumatized by the Northern territory's law and its dangerous potential.

HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE - HAWAII:

It looks like the campaign to legalize homosexual marriages in the State of Hawaii is coming down the homestretch. It's quite likely that judges will rule that to deny equal rights to homosexual partners is a violation of human rights.

CLONING EQUALS DEFORMITY?

The Scottish scientist who cloned an adult sheep told the U.S. Congress on 12th March that "it would be quite inhumane" to try to clone a human because of the defective births that could result. "It took 277 attempts to produce Dolly, "said Mr.Wilmut of the Roslin institute in Edinburgh, Scotland, "and some of the failures resulted in defective lambs that died quickly after birth. It would be quite inhumane to contemplate using these techniques at this stage, Human cloning is not practical, possible or ethical. Similar experiments with humans would be totally unacceptable."

President Clinton has issued a 90-day moratorium on any federal funding of such experimentation and has asked his national Bioethics Advisory Commission to review the ethical and legal issues involved in cloning. Prolifers remember only too well that this is the same Commission of mostly the same people who, three years, ago, recommended that human embryos be created for the sole purpose of experimentation and then they could be killed.

STERILIZED & PREGNANT?

A recent study in a March issue of the New England Journal of Medicine reports that a higher-than expected number of women who have had sterilization surgery become pregnant. Women with cut or blocked fallopian tubes have a"surprisingly high" - 1.8% overall--risk of becoming pregnant. Further, one-third of those pregnancies are ectopic, where the embryo lodges in the fallopian tube. With tubal rupture, some of these women die. Those at highest risk were women under age 30 who had bipolar coagulation surgery. This involves burning the tubes shut.

PAIN CLINICS:

These are special clinics set up to which doctors can bring patients who have pain that cannot be controlled. This is a rapidly developing speciality within the practice of medicine in many countries in the Western world. Much effort is being expended to bring comfort and relief to patients through these clinics. But guess what? In all of the United Kingdom there are 185 such clinics. In Holland there are only 3.does it take long to find out why? Not really. In Holland they have no need to control pain -- rather, instead of killing pain, they kill the patient, for euthanasia is legal in Holland.

"NOT DEAD YET", A NEW DISABILITY RIGHTS GROUP:

This was a title on numerous signs in front of the U.S. Supreme Court Building recently. It was when the court heard the pleadings or assisted suicide. The entire front walk of the Supreme Court Building was filled with handicapped people, most in wheel chairs. It is thought that they had an impact on the justices, for it was obvious that they were pleading for their own lives, which might well be in danger in the event that assisted suicide is ever legalized. They carried signs proclaiming "Not Dead Yet" -- "We Want To Live" -- "Endangered Species" --- "We Are The Target". One of the leaders, the editor of the monthly disability magazine, Mouth said, "We're not going to let them do this to us. We're made as hell as we're not going to die for Jack Kevorkian or Tim Quill. we will not go quietly. You're not going to put us out one at a time, quietly, into little rooms. We're going to be loud about this. We want to live".

I congratulate you on your printed newsletter. A newsletter can do remarkable work, and I commend you for your effort and pray that your work will continue.

For the first time, if I am not wrong, I have received a copy of your bulletin, RELIEF, March/April 1997. Thank you for the same. I find it interesting and would be grateful if you keep me on the mailing list. Is there any fixed subscription? My sincere thanks to all concerned for keeping society aware of the "respect for life" issue.

Thanking you and with best wishes.

The magazine RELIEF is very useful and it is really thought-provoking. Congratulations.

Fr.Joseph Ladislaus, Kooduthalai - 627 651

Congratulations on your very well printed newsletter. This shows growth and development in your organization. Such activities are necessary in order to influence others and get them into the movement also. It must be so much harder for you to promote pro-life activity in a country where Christianity is the minority.

Thanks for sending us a copy of RELIEF of Jan-Feb '97. I am sending it to a couple who approached me last week with the problem of unwanted pregnancy and with the desire to abort the foetus. Just today they phoned me up once again and I said a prayer over the phone to help the mother accept the baby and to thank God.

I am writing now with a request to send me a few more copies of RELIEF of this month. Do continue sending me the copies regularly. I shall send you the subscription. I congratulate all the persons involved in the NARFL! May the Good Lord bless all your efforts!

I sincerely congratulate you for the wonderful publication RELIEF which you have brought out. Your work and direction in life is in keeping with your name "Annuntiation" - made known to the whole world the sprouting of a new life from whom every one would have fullness of life. You have downright taken up that work and it is great. It is a bold step.

The get up and format and fine and the contents so selective to be inspirational and educative, and, reading it, thoughts of many hearts will be revealed.

"Glory of God is man fully alive." I ken you were serious about it, but now I realise how serious you are about it. Congratulations once again. With prayerful best wishes.

When you've finished reading this newsletter, you are encouraged to take a print out and please pass it on to a friend or relative!

Published by Sr. Annuntiata, NARFL, C/o. St. Martha's Hospital, Bangalore GPO 560 001, Karnataka, INDIA

To , The Secretary, National Association for Respect For Life,

C/o St. Martha's Hospital, Nrupathunga Road, Bangalore GPO 560 001

Dear Sr. Annuntiata,

I am glad to collaborate with you in your noble venture of promoting the worth and dignity of every human being.

As a sign of my appreciation and solidarity, I enclose Rs.......... as my donation/subscription to RELIEF newsletter. Subscription to Relief is Rs. 50 per annum for India Local Subscription.

Yours sincerely,

Name:

Address:

Phone:

(Cheques/DD to be draw in favour of National Association for Respect For Life)

Pro-Life : Relief News Letter May-June 97 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter July-August 97 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter March-April 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter May-June 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter July-August 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter September - October 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter November - December 98 Issue, Bangalore

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