R E L I E F

Respect Every Life In Every Family

A time for giving

We are at the threshold of the great feast of Christmas. It is an occasion of celebration for all people, but especially for Pro-Lifers and people of good will Christmas in a special way brings out the preciousness of human life. We know that the object of all Pro-Lifers and all people of goodwill is to protect life from conception to natural death. At Christmas we recall that God emptied Himself of all his power and majesty to become a human being - one like us. God divested Himself to such an extent that He was born in a stable as the poorest of the poor. In the incarnation, God shows us how highly He valued human beings and how precious was human life to Him.

It is in this spirit that all Pro-Lifers and people of good will remove any danger to life by way of abortion, infanticide, suicide, bride-burning, ill-treatment of any human being on the basis of caste, creed, community, language or sex. Any violation of human rights stands condemned. May the Incarnate God, Jesus Christ, bless and protect everyone on this world. I wish everyone particularly the readers of RELIEF a Holy and Happy Christmas. May His Peace and Happiness be with you now and throughout the New year.

Cruice J. Sanjivi, CSsR President, Respect For Life - India

ADOPTION - what it means for ……….the natural mother

………the adoptive parents

At this joyous Christmas season May you feel God’s presence near, And may He bless you daily As you serve Him through the year Greetings from RFLI

DONT MAKE MY MISTAKES

Some people say that abortion is "an informed decision between a woman and her physician." You hear that a lot. But the fact is that most women never meet the abortionist until they are on the table, as happened in my case.

I was 18 years old when I got pregnant. I wasn’t serious about my boyfriend. It was a casual relationship. Since I had already enlisted in the Air Force, I thought I had to have an abortion in order to make something out of my life.

My best friend drove me to the abortion clinic. I was there for about four hours. It was like an assembly line. When the ultrasound was being done I asked to see it. But this wasn’t allowed (so much for "an informed decision"). Then I asked how far along I was. I was told I was nine-and-a-half weeks pregnant. That hit me hard. I knew that my baby was further developed than I had thought. I started doubting, and wanted to talk to my friend. But, I wasn’t allowed to do that either.

When it was my turn the nurse told me that I was going to feel some discomfort, like strong menstrual cramps. The truth is that the abortion was more pain than I’ve ever felt in my life. It felt like my insides were literally being sucked out of my body. Afterwards I went into shock!

After the abortion, I tried to make up for the abortion by trying to get pregnant again. I wanted my baby back. I never got pregnant again. I don’t know if I can ever have another baby. I named my baby. I found out later that this is part of the grieving process.

Two and a half years later, I ended up in the hospital with bulimia. I felt that no one had punished me for what I had done so I was punishing myself. I became obsessed with women who were pregnant, with women who would talk about their pregnancy. My life was in shambles! I was suffering from post-abortion trauma.

When I was 21 years old God brought me help through a woman who was involved in pro-life activism. She helped me a lot. I went through a post abortion counselling programme called "Conquerors." God not only forgave me, He challenged me to help others. I answered the challenge!

I started sidewalk counselling. There is a healing process that comes from getting involved in the pro-life movement. I talk to youth groups and students about abstinence and I share my testimony. To them, and to you, I plead, "Please don’t make the same mistakes I did."

HUMAN LIFE ALLIANCE OF MINNESOTA EDUCATION FUND INC. - ADVERTISING SUPPLEMENT (1997)

The Miracle Of Life

by Dr. Barbra Naidu "Suffer little children to come unto Me for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." "The greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven is the one who humbles himself and becomes like this child. And whoever welcomes one such child in My name, welcomes Me." says Jesus. (Mt. 18 ; 4-5) the Mystery of love and life begins in the mother’s womb at the moment of conception - a historic moment deliberately willed by God. It is no accident! God chose the Family to be the Cradle of love and life - to unfold His Divine Blue-print of LOVE to us. Just as God gave us His only Son Jesus to life us from our fallen state, to transform our brazen world to a golden world, the family is called : To see Jesus in itself and others - To be Jesus to others - To bring out Jesus in itself and others. - this is the family’s Evangelising mission.

When a woman is pregnant we say : "She is expecting a baby" "She is going to be a mother" But the truth is : She is not expecting a baby - she already has a baby, living and growing in her womb. She is not about to bring a child into the world - the child is already in the world. The mother’s womb is as much in the world as the mother herself.

A pregnant woman is fully a mother. The child in her womb is fully human and fully alive - already a member of the human family, in possession of the same dignity as every other person.

Every child is born with the CRY of the Heart, a cry which proclaims : " I want to be born - let me live !" The Lord Jesus, the Infant born in the stable at Bethlehem, must have cried similarly : "I want to be born - let me live BUT Today, in our modern "throw-away" consumer society, we deny thousands of little Innocents - unborn babies - their Right to Life. Why have we chosen to deny the voiceless, the most vulnerable, their Right to Life? Theirs is a Silent Scream we choose not to listen to, because we choose CONVENIENCE instead of LIFE & LOVE

Married couples who choose to give the unborn child birth are a powerful sign and presence of Jesus’ life-giving love. They live his GOOD NEWS and evangelise on his behalf even if they do not leave their homes to preach his GOOD NEWS.

His Good News is actualised in their homes as they accept the conceived child lovingly from Him - the Lord of Life and Love. Let us pray, this morning, that every time a child is conceived, like Mary, the mother will courageously proclaim : "May it be done unto me according to Thy Word."

Mary mother of the Unborn born Child

Painted by Miss Tidwell, an American artist, our Blessed mother grieves over the millions of babies denied their Right to Life. The Stars around her head represent a Decade of the Rosary. The glow from her most Immaculate heart is a sign of her tremendous love for all her children, especially the most helpless of all - The Unborn Child. Her incessant weeping over this horrendous crime has blackened her beautiful eyes.

The baby’s hands are clasped in prayer : "I want to be born - let me live" The Blessed Mother’s hand and fingernails are dirty because she scooped and dug this precious child from a garbage dump.

Let us pray for these intentions :

1. That from the moment of conception, the Holy Spirit teaches us that a living human person exists. 2. That every mother may have the joy of seeing and holding her baby. 3. That childless couples may know the joy of finding their child through Adoption.

I will never forget you, my people I have carved you on the palm of my Hand. I will never forget you , I will not leave you orphaned. I will never forget my own . Does a mother forget her baby? Or the woman, a child within her womb. Yet even if these forget, yet even if these forget, I WILL NEVER FORGET MY OWN.

RFLI PROGRAMMES AT A GLANCE . OCTOBER - NOVEMBER 1998

Programmes on Personhood, Growing in Love and Relationships, Human Sexuality, Respect for Life (RFL) & AIDS, were conducted by Sr. Annunciata, Mrs. Phyllis Farias and Dr. Barbra Naidu. Sessions on Marriage preparation, Family Life Education, Natural Family Planning (NFP) and Human Sexuality were conducted by Mrs. Joyce Jayaseelan and Mrs. Kumari Baptist. Fr. Cruice Sanjivi CSsR proclaimed the message through the Sunday homilies in various parishes.

01. 10 . 98 St. Joseph’s Convent Respect For Life 12 ladies 03. 10 . 98 Don Bosco Centre Sex Education and Family Life 53 ladies 04. 10 . 98 Holy Ghost Church Pro - Life theme 800 people 04. 10 . 98 St. Joseph’s Church Pro - Life theme 500 people Lingarajapuram 08. 10 . 98 St. Joseph’s Convent Marriage Preparation 12 persons Preciousness of Life, RFL 10. 10 . 98 Devarajeevanahalli Natural & Artificial Methods and Natural Family Planning Methods 18 ladies 11. 10 . 98 St. Joseph’s Church Pro - Life theme 500 people 14. 10 . 98 Cluny Convent, Jalahalli The Human Person, his worth 150 students & dignity, Chastity, RFL std. VIII 15. 10 . 98 St. Joseph’s Convent Virginity 12 girls 16. 10 . 98 Madiwala slum N F P & Abortion 36 women 17. 10 . 98 Don Bosco Centre Family Life Education 50 ladies 22. 10 . 98 St. Joseph’s Convent Status of Women in India 12 girls 24. 10 . 98 Devarajeevanahalli Abortion, side effects of artificial 18 girls methods of family planning 30. 10 . 98 Holy Ghost Church Marriage Preparation course 36 persons to Responsible parenthood 04. 11 . 98 01. 11 . 98 Holy Ghost Church Pro-Life theme 800 people 01. 11 . 98 RFL office Preciousness of Life, RFL …. 7 persons 05. 11 . 98 St. Joseph’s Convent Marriage Preparation 12 persons 07. 11 . 98 State Youth Centre Cultural Feste for High School 700 students & Nrupathunga Road competitions in Elocution, Sketching, 08. 11 . 98 Painting, Group Dance, Personality Contest, Instrumental, Creative Writing, Group Singing, Skit, Rangoli, Collage & Flower Arrangement. 10. 11 . 98 Maria Nivas Personhood, Worth & Dignity, RFL, 12 persons Communication, Peer Pressure, Human sexuality. 15. 11 . 98 St. Joseph’s Church Pro-Life theme 500 people Lingarajapuram 18. 11 . 98 Government H. School ‘Adolescence’ 60 students 20. 11 . 98 St. Alphonsus H. School Respect for Life, Sex Education 300 boys & Self-awareness, Chastity 21. 11 . 98 26. 11 . 98 Govt. Girls H. School ‘Adolescence’ 60 students 26. 11 . 98 Sacred Heart H. School Preciousness of Life, RFL, Self-esteem 115 students Virginity, Human Sexuality Std. IX 27. 11 . 98 St. Anthony’s H. School ‘Adolescence’ 125 boys & girls 27. 11 . 98 Sacred Heart H. school Career Guidance, Study Skills, 86 students & Personhood, RFL, Human Sexuality Std. X 28. 11 . 98 HIV /AIDS 28. 11 . 98 Don Bosco Centre RFL, Abortion, Silent Scream 87 persons 29. 11 . 98 St. Joseph’s Church Pro-life theme 500 persons Lingarajapuram Video films are screened regularly in the RFL room.

WHO WON?

I saw a beautiful example of kindness in 1968 during the Special Olympics track and field meet. One participant was Kim Peek, a brain-damaged, severely handicapped boy racing in the 50-yard dash.

Kim was racing against two other athletes with cerebral palsy. They were in wheelchairs; Kim was the lone runner. As the gun sounded Kim moved quickly ahead of the other two. Twenty yards ahead and 10 yards from the finishing line, he turned to see how the others were coming. The girl had turned her wheelchair around and was struck against the wall. The other boy was pushing his wheelchair backward with his feet. Kim stopped, went back and pushed the little girl across the finishing line. The boy going backwards won the race. The girl took second. Kim lost.

Or did he? The crowd that gave Kim a standing ovation didn’t think so.

Dan Clark

Report on Cultural Feste held on 7th & 8th November ’98

The Cultural Feste for the High School students on 7th & 8th November was a great success. The response of the participants was very good. It was amazing to see how they tackled such vital issues such as : "A Woman is like Mother Earth" "The Silent Scream of the underprivileged", "The influence of Media on the lives of Youth", "The Girl Child - an asset to human life" ….. We thank Fr. Cruice Sanjivi CSsR, our Chief Guest and all who helped in making the feste a memorable one. The Rolling Trophy was won by Gulabi Girls High School, St. Francis Xavier’s High School was placed second.

On Caring

There was an urgent call from the intensive care unit. I rushed there and saw an eighty-five year old woman in severe breathing distress. She had asthma and was so ill that we told the relatives that the situation was hopeless. Her youngest sister, who was obviously fond of her, refused to leave the bedside. We did tell her that the I C U was not a pleasant place for anyone to stay in; she did not relent. Finally, we left her by the bedside and told the nurses to permit her there. Over the next six days, the old lady hovered between life and death. At no time did I see any undue anxiety on the face of her sister. She did a marvellous job of nursing and the nurses appreciated her help. Slowly, the patient recovered and was in a private room on the ninth day. Five more days later, she was ready to go home. I smiled at her sister, and remarked, "I have never seen anybody so bold as you ! Were you not anxious or depressed by so much sickness all around you in the I C U ? Were you not disturbed by the deaths that occurred ?" She was silent for a moment. Then she said something that I will never forget. "Birth and death are not in our hands, Doctor," she said, with a smiling face; "But we certainly can do something between the two for those we Love, Can’t we ?"

Dr. Om Prakash St. Martha’s Hospital

Teen Corner

Why should a person be chaste? I see nothing wrong with watching pornographic films, for instance. I’m sure that watching them will not change me.

If the pornographic movie queen was your mother or sister, how should you feel? You would feel ashamed, wouldn’t you? Yet, aren’t the women who act in these movies the wives, sisters or mothers of someone else? Have you thought about the feelings of their families? Think also of this more carefully : Why would you feel ashamed? Isn’t it because her dignity has been lowered? Your mother or sister would have been reduced to a sexual object for men to gwak at and to fantasize about. You can be sure that those people watching such movies are not learning to respect womanhood.

Are you sure that watching pornographic movies will not change you? Evil begins in the mind, and shows itself only later in actions. If you are not careful about your thoughts, if you allow yourself to dwell on sexual fantasies, if you allow such thoughts to breed and to grow, you may be surprised one day to see how your attitudes towards women and towards sex have changed. You may come to see sex and women as being for your selfish pleasure.

This is why you should avoid movies, songs, books, magazines or photographs which do not respect womanhood and which cheapen sex. To avoid these things is to cultivate the virtue of chastity. Chastity increases your dignity as a human being and enables you to love truly, disinterestedly, unselfishly, and with respect for others. In other words, chastity allows you to build deeper, more fulfilling relationship that ultimately make you a happier person.

LEARNING TO LOVE JOHN OOI PENG LEE

WHEN AIDS WEARS A WOMAN’S FACE :

In the 1990s the face that AIDS wears often is that of a woman and her infant. Whether or not a woman is infected with the virus that causes AIDS or has a related illness, her life will be touched by the AIDS global epidemic in one way or another.

Our thoughts are with ..

• All women who are living with HIV infection and related illness, in order that women might receive the treatment and care they need, that their burdens will be eased and their voices heard, that they not be shunned by family, friends and community, and that guilt and blame not be heaped on them.
• Mothers who comfort their children in the midst of illness, who feed and bathe and care, who wipe the tears and hold the fevered head, who cry out in anguish, who know helplessness and despair, who cradle their weakened infants to their wearied breasts.
• Wives who care for husbands, friends and loved ones, who hold family and community together in times of suffering and crisis, who bear witness to God’s mercy and compassion in the midst of sickness and death.
• With grandmothers and great grandmothers who nurture the sons and daughters of their sons and daughters, grand women who, in their own time of need will mourn the deaths of the women and men they had hoped would live to care for them.
• With daughters who are expected by family, culture and country to put their needs aside to care for others, to sacrifice and deny themselves until they can give no more.
• With girls growing up in a world of violence, drugs, sexual pressure, cultural norms and expectations, poverty, ignorance and global debt crisis which will affect their health and development and that of their children and families to be.
• With women professionals in health ministry and research who lead their countries in the struggle against the spread of HIV and its related illness.

Cathie Lyons

FEWER AIDS BABIES:

According to the July 1st issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, French researches say that caesarean sections during birth, coupled with the drug AZT, could nearly eliminate transmission of the AIDS virus from mother and child. In the recent years, a baby born to an HIV -positive mother has had about 25% chances of contracting the virus. Giving the AZT drug to the mother alone dropped that rate to less than 8%. Combining this with Cesarean section, according to these studies, drops it to between 1% and 2%. RIGHT TO LIFE JULY / AUGUST 1998

Pro-Life News

Media Campaign against Child Prostitution in Delhi

The media campaign is an attempt to counter the menace of child sexual abuse through large-scale awareness and to break the conspiracy of silence and complacence. The campaign will make extensive use of the outdoor media to drive home the message on the menace of child sexual abuse. Select sites and strategic locations in the capital like railway stations, bus stands, market areas, red light areas etc. have been identified for outdoor publicity. The National Human Rights Commission NHRC, with the co-operation of UNICEF , the NGOs and the core team, has developed a set of six posters to display in public places and ration depots as well as grant permission for screening the specially created slides in the cinema halls. A 34 seconds TV spot on this subject developed by NHRC and UNICEF will be made available to both government and private channels . A part of this on-going effort, the toll free CHILDLINE phone-in-service has been launched on the Gandhi Jayanthi on 2 October 1998. This service provides specialized counselling, medical help, shelter and legal aid services to children who are abused sexually or otherwise. The CHILDLINE Ph. No. 1098 can be accessed by anyone who wishes to report on sexual crimes against children and provide information on the offenders. Child prostitution is the worst form of abuse of child rights. It involves mental, physical and emotional abuse of a child through overt and covert sexual acts, gestures and disposition. Child prostitution is today a rampant social curse and it is well known that many prostitutes were forced into profession when still children. INDIAN CURRENTS 2 - 8 November 1998

SEVEN - YEAR - OLD EMBRYO NOW A BABY

A human embryonic baby kept frozen in liquid nitrogen for seven years was thawed, implanted in a woman’s uterus and survived to grow into an 8 lb., 15 oz. baby boy. The child is apparently normal. This is the oldest known frozen human embryo to survive and to develop. Typically, as many as 50% of human embryos that are frozen do not survive the freezing/thawing process. Also, typically, they age and lose their viability. RIGHT TO LIFE JULY OCTOBER / NOVEMBER 1998

PARENTING WITH PRAYER

Parenthood as a Vocation I am sure you will agree that being a good parent is a highly complex responsibility that requires complicated skill, yet there are few places where one can go to learn the skill of parenting. In fact there was a time when there was none. Currently, in my country (Philippines) - I know of at least three major groups who offer courses on this on a regular basis and there are also a number of Marriage Encounter groups that provide retreat seminars to hone parenting skills. However, these opportunities only reach a limited number of parents. Indeed it is disconcerting that for such a serious responsibility, we become parents without adequate preparation. Certainly, we don’t go to a doctor or to a dentist unless we are assured that he is competent. We even look for an experienced hairdresser, or gardener to trim our lawn yet we become parents and take this awesome responsibility of caring for a child from birth to adulthood without receiving training or acquired any special skills!

The problem of some, if not many, of our parents were not good at what they did, neither were our grandparents. Certainly, most of them tried hard to do things which they felt were "right" and "good" for us. But not everybody had the opportunity to find out whether what they did was really the "right" way.

Before we can become better parents - first, we must recognize or identify what areas we can improve on to become more effective in parenting, so that we can effectively pass on certain values and discipline. For most of us, it is hard to change for various reasons. To change is not easy. Changing for the better requires a two-step process; first - we must have insight and awareness. We are mostly blind and least objective about ourselves. Hence, it becomes important to know how our children and other people rate us in this matter as our eye opener. Second - effect behaviour change.

At this point, I would like to share with you what kids in the sixth and seventh grade in an exclusive girls school at home rated their parents. This was a group of about 30 girls with whom we had a workshop on communication. Although, we were glad that the majority of the girls said they had good communication at home, a number of girls had the courage to say no, they did not have good communication at home - for the following reasons :

1. They are not given what they need and since these girls came form affluent families - they were not referring to material things but rather to the lack of love, time and attention of parents,
2. They don’t spend time with them
3. They don’t listen
4. They are always shouting and emotional
5. They are repetitive and irritating
6. They can’t keep a secret
7. They don’t trust them always suspicious
8. They have favourites.

On the other hand, kids who said they have good communication say that their parents show love, care and concern for them; they listen and they spend quality time with them. If we compare all these with what kids and teens on therapy say from the other parts of the world, it’s all the same! In other words the problem is universal. Indeed the kind of strain that parents and children experience cross all boundaries.

ANGELITA M. AGUIRRE, M.D. VOICES OF LIFE , JANUARY - FEBRUARY 1998

SUICIDES - A HOLLOW END

"For God and before God, every human being is always unique and unrepeatable, somebody thought of and chosen from eternity, someone called and identified by his or her name."

- POPE JOHN PAUL - II -

As more and more cities become replicates of the west, the above concepts are fast losing grounds. People in urban India, are becoming prey to a dangerous disease "individualism" which feeds on itself and leads to various other ailments like broken marriages.

The attitudes of the individualistic society have penetrated deep into our private lives and are placing an unprecedented strain on the family and especially on the young. The family once known as "the giant shock absorbers of society" to which the bruised and battered individuals returns after battling with the world, are unable to cope with these tensions. This is leading to an alarming implications. One of the most prominent implication is the alarming rise in figures of suicide. Why? Over the past few years there has been a paradigm shift in the under lying reasons for suicides.

Previously ‘suicide’ was the solution of an individual, who was a failure, but today the urban young are an alienated lot searching for solutions among themselves for want of love, compassion, recognition and understanding. The perceived self - worth is negligible, they feel they are dispensable, an unwanted branch of the family tree.

Their quest for self- worth drives them towards their peers, but which are governed by their own distinct norms. To be considered as a part of the peer drinking and smoking become requisites yet not sufficient qualification. Their code of dress, linguistic abilities and an added advantage of not being a virgin become absolutes to be considered. Confirming to these norms can find solace for a while, even at the expense of degrading themselves. But even after the compromise, they don’t go far. The guilt that they have been continuously carrying decreases their self - worth and self respect further to the extent that they are willing to take their own lives. We have thus paid our price for aping the west. Unwed mothers, drug addicts aimless wanderers, mostly from the so called acceptable families.

Why are we building a world where values are left behind like forgotten ruins on the road towards success, where success is not defined by how you win but how much you win. Is this the legacy we leave behind for generations to come?

People are special and human life sacred. Life is precious and worthwhile in itself. Every person is worth fighting for, regardless of the fact of being young or old, sick or well, child or adult, brown, yellow, black or white.

Can we rebuild a world of love, patience, compassion and more importantly a world for young?.

ANURADHA JEAN MADHUSUDAN ABHIJIT VARMA Students from XIME

When you've finished reading this newsletter, you are encouraged to take a print out and please pass it on to a friend or relative!

Published by Sr. Annuntiata, RFLI, C/o. St. Martha's Hospital, Bangalore GPO 560 001, Karnataka, INDIA

Pro-Life : Relief News Letter May-June 97 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter July-August 97 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter March-April 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter May-June 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter July-August 98 Issue, Bangalore

Pro-Life : RELIEF News Letter September - October 98 Issue, Bangalore

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