So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs, "Where you going to find a lawyer? They are all down here."
A guy's wife is driving him crazy to get a job. He sees one for a deputy sheriff. The sheriff interviews him and says, "I'm pretty busy, but I'll ask you two questions... Name two days of the week that start with a T?"
The fellow answers: "Uh, today and tomorrow?"
The sheriff thinks that's a pretty unique answer, so he says "Alright, who shot JFK?"
After a brief period the guy doesn't answer. The sheriff finally says: "Go home and think about it, and come back with the answer tomorrow.
When the guy gets home his wife says: "Did you get a job?"
He looks at her and says: "Yeah, as a deputy sheriff. How about that?"
She then answers: "You ain't smart enough to be no deputy sheriff."
The husband answers: "OH YEAH...WELL THEY ALREADY PUT ME ON A MURDER INVESTIGATION!
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