"Lord", he said, please give that bear some Christian attributes."
Sure enough, about ten feet away the bear stopped, looked up into the sky and breathed, "Lord for the bounty I am about to receive, I thank you."
They passed a second pit and St. Peter said: "Those are merely Baptists who took pleasure in dancing while on earth.
At a third pit St. Peter said, "Oh, those are Episcopalians who ate their dessert with their salad forks."
She slapped his face and walked away. A little later a second waitress, just as pretty, came over and he said, "I'd like a quickie."
She slapped his face and left.
Shortly afterwards, the manager came over to see what the trouble was. The fellow said, "I was just ordering a quickie", and showed it on the menu to the manager.
"I'm sorry, sir", said the manager, but you pronounce that 'quiche'."
To his surprise, neither Jack nor Jill takes a break. So he decides whichever one goes to lunch first will be the one to go.
To his surprise, neither one takes a lunch. So he decides whoever leaves first that day will be the one to go. But they both stay well after 5:00.
Finally, Jill gets up and heads for her coat. The manager runs over to her and says, "I really have a problem, I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."
To which Jill replies, "Well, you better jack-off, I'm late for my bus!"
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