I believe my journey to Islam began when I was young. After being the victim of a violent crime, I wondered how such a terrible could happen to me; I also wondered who God really was and why evil existed. I asked questions, both at my Baptist Church, and at the Catholic school I attended. I was given fairy-tale type answers, which did not satisfy me, but only made me aware of the inconsistencies within Christianity.

I prayed that God would help me. I believe this help came in the form of reading: I developed a love of reading and the ability to understand what I read. By the time I was in second grade, my school discovered that I could read at a level about five years ahead of my age. I read almost every book I could find and most of them were about countries and religion: Buddhism, Hinduism, Confucism, and Roman, Green and Egyptian mythology, etc. However, I did not find the answers to my questions in those religious philosophies.

When I was about 10 years old, I was exposed to an eve more different interpretation of Christianity. My parents became Jehovah Witnesses. Bible study was held in my parents’ home and I attended – although I did not have to – because I had a lot of questions about God. Eventually, I was not allowed to attend any studies because I asked too many questions. However, I continued to read the Bible regularly but I never felt satisfied.

Years later, I came home from college and told my parents that I no longer believed in what the Jehovah Witnesses were teaching – something inside of me did not feel right about Christianity, especially their interpretation of it. Although I was no longer attending a Christian church on a regular basis, I never discontinued my belief in God although I turned to psychology and sociology in an attempt to understand why some humans were bad. Still, my basic questions about evilness and God went unanswered. Fortunately, things changed for me after college.

My first contact with Muslims was on my first job after I left college. I did not talk to any of them about religion, since I had the typical American view of Islam: they were all terrorists. As I got to know my Muslim co-workers, however, my attitude about Muslims changed.

Not long after that, I married a Muslim man, although I was not interested at that time, in changing my religion. Eventually, I moved with my husband and child to another city and decided to live in a neighborhood where there were many Muslims since I admired their values. I was also amazed to see with my own eyes that Muslims from all over the world shared the same knowledge, values, practices, and interpretation, of their religion.

In my new neighborhood, I became friends with a Muslim woman and her family. I was impressed with their kindness. They told me about Arabic and Qur’an classes for kids at a local masjid and asked if I wanted to let my child attend classes there. I really did not understand what they mean exactly, but I let my child go mainly because I believed that learning another language is always a good thing to do. One day, one of the older children left a book that was used in classes in my car. Instead of returning the book, I kept it and read it. I did not understand or agree with everything I read, but It was interesting and it made me start thinking about religion again.

That same neighbor invited me to the masjid shortly after the birth of her child. When I heard the Qur’an being recited, I cried. I knew I was in the right place. But I still was unable to comprehend changing my religion, although I was willing to learn more about Islam.

During this time, my husband and I were having problems and eventually, we separated. Throughout my year-long separation, I had overwhelming feelings that something wonderful was waiting for me if I would just decide to divorce. But I could not imagine having such a thing as being true. That feeling continued for the next one and a half years. Eventually, I recognized that there was no hope of saving my marriage and decided to divorce.

Soon after I made the decision to divorce, similar feelings to make other changed in my life began happening to me. For example, one day I had the desire to learn Arabic, although I had no practical use of learning it. But I went to a library and took home books on learning Arabic, Arabic language audio tapes and even a few books about Arab people, of course this put me right in the middle of Islam, although I did not really realize how much it would affect me. I also had a wonderful idea to go to the internet to find Arabic speaking people to help me learn the language.

Almost every person I met asked if I was Muslim, why I was in an Islamic chat room and why I wanted to learn Arabic – of course, I could not answer them since my action were based on feelings which I could not explain very easily. Many of the people I met online, directed me to many helpful Islamic websites. During this period, while I was on one of my frequent visits to one of my favorite bookstores I unexpectedly saw an English translation of the Qur’an. It was in the literature section. I purchased it, because by this time I was curious about what was written in the Qur’an. I read the Qur’an, but still the thought to become Muslim never entered my mind.

One night, I went to sleep as usual. The next morning, however, I knew without a doubt that I absolutely had to become Muslim. Eventually, I made a nervous trip to a masjid, explained why I was there, and took my Shahadah.

As I look back on my life, I believe there were events that happened to me that lead me in the direction of Islam. While growing up, my parents never allowed me to date – and I did not have the feeling to date – and, they never allowed me to smoke, drink alcohol, or go to parties. Out of my own sense of shyness, I always dressed in loose clothes and covered as much of myself as I could. I always felt different from most American people, including my family and friends. I often wondered why I never seemed to fit in. Alhamdulillah, now that I am in Islam, I finally feel satisfied to be the person I felt I should have always been: respected as a woman, and connected to my Creator.