Muslims: June 23, 2000

by Fiaz Shu'ayb

For the first time in his life, Damien Gonzales knows what the fear of God is. And it comes from simply reading the Qur'an- the English translation at that!

"When I read the Qur'an, I get very scared," explained the 29 year old Puerto Rican-American who lives with his Trinidadian wife and their lovely 1 year old daugther in Queens, New York.

"I sense that I'm reading the words of a divine authority-someone who knows the human being very well and is not afraid of telling him like it is!"

He continued: "The horrors of the Day of Judgment and the awesome penalties of the Fire of Hell really hit me hard. I've read the Bible, but the Qur'an is unlike any book I've read."

"In the Qur'an, God speaks directly to you, and one gathers that He is not at all pleased with most of us. And that's what so frightening!"

Gonzales' testimony corroborates many stories reported by new reverts to Islam, who express a realization of dread and fear after reading words of the Qur'an.

What is intriguing about this is that most of these Muslim reverts are not acquainted with the Arabic language. They draw their pious impressions from the English translation of the Qur'an, which does not and cannot approximate the sublimity of the Arabic Qur'an's messages.

It is a clear affirmation of the miraculous nature of Allah's last revelation to mankind: "He, then that receives guidance (from it) benefits his own soul, but he that goes astray injures his own soul."

However, Gonzales' life was completely different. He was quick tempered and prone to violence and erratic behavior a year ago. He fought in the infamous Gulf War against the troops of Iraq's strongman, Saddam Hussein in 1990 and later accompanied US troops, the elite 3rd Range Battalion, to Somalia, where he was almost fatally wounded. He and his parents thanked Jesus Christ for saving his life.

After being discharged from the army, he became a police officer, but his brutish behavior landed him in one trouble after the other.

Then he decided to leave the NYPD before he, in his own words, "killed someone." But that was not the turning point in his young life.

Gonzales knew little or nothing about Islam or Muslims, except what his army comrades derogatorily referred to Muslims as "camel jockeys," "Moslems," "rag heads," and other negative stereotypes.

Even his encounter with Muslim troops in the Gulf War made little impact on his spiritual consciousness, unlike hundreds of his counterparts who became Muslims during their contentious sojourn in Sadui Arabia, where two of Islam's holiest mosques are situated- Al Masjid Al-Haram in Makkah and Masjid An-Nabawi in Madinah.

"We were under strict military orders from on hight," Gonzales recalled, "not to shoot Muslim soldiers while they prayed. Most of the soldiers in our unit, including myself, did not understand their prayer, which looked almost funny, especially their postures of prostration."

He lamented. "Now I seek forgiveness from Allah everyday for all that," "I know now the piety and humility of the Muslim prayer. I feel very uncomfortable and terrified when, for some reason or another, I have to miss my salah. I can't wait to get home or go to the nearest mosque to offer it. Then I feel good!"

Ironically, Gonzales' wife is Muslim and indirectlly caused him to turn to Islam for salvation in a most unusual way, which one can only ascribe to the Will of Allah ("But Allah guides whomsoever He pleases, Qur'an 28:56).

Gonzales' addiction to steroids plus his violent temper had become unbearable for his wife who threatened to leave him. The ultimatum was simple: it's either her or the steroids.

Faced with the prospect of losing his loved ones and realizing the dangerous side effects drugs were having on him, "the constant sinning," Gonzales made a conscientious decision to turn over a new leaf.

"Allah led me to the mosque," he stated flatly. "That day I told my wife I'm going to the mosque to become a Muslim. I don't know if she believed me or not, but I did exactly that. I met someone at Masjid Al-Abibin who took me upstate where I accepted Islam at the hands of a mufti and took the name Jilani." That was on July 15, 1999.

"My life is better now," said Jilani. "Allah made it easy for me to turn away from the drugs, the cursing, the drinking, the fights, and the other things."

Jilani added: "I look back and I think that these past experiences were for a reason and purpose to help me better appreciate the kindness an dmercy of Allah. I never feared anything before, but now I truly fear Allah and nothing else. I fear dying without knowing my deen (religion) and being punished in the grave."

As a result, Gonzales has set himself some Islamic goals, including increasing his Islamic knowledge, encouraging his wife to practice more of the deeen, and winning over the hearts of his parents who reside in Puerto Rico and are staunch Pentecostals.

One of the highpoints of his experience since becoming Muslims is the state of khushooh (humbleness in and pious devotion) in salah; it is unlike any other spiriutal experience he has had.

He has also had some disappointing experiences in his realationship with Muslims; namely, the "backbiting that goes on in the masjids and when Muslims are gathered together, the helplessness of Muslims in defending their oppressed brothers and sisters in other parts of the world, and their mad pursuits of worldly pleasures."

"I want to give something back to Allah for my past evil life, although I am aware that Islam forgives the past sins of one who accepts the faith," Jilani concluded optimistically.

"I want to help my Muslim brothers and sisters build a sound Islamic community so that we can be a good da'wah to the non-Muslims in the society."

Jilani's story is a fine example of the beautiful strength of Islam keeping a family together in modern day America.

For that, Jilani and his family thank Allah, Lord of the worlds.