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wrestling satire
the best in online
wrestling satire
Scott Steiner tells Kanyon to hurt DDP in the match tonight. Steiner -"And here, wear this..." [Steiner hands Kanyon a Leatherface mask] Kanyon - "Oooh, a Leatherface mask. Tom Zenk ripped him a new one..." [DDP is shown listening from around the corner. A single tear begins to roll down his cheek, but his dry leathery skin quickly soaks it up.]
DEAR GOD, footage from earlier today at a [staged] Positively Page book signing. How did we know it was staged? There were people in line! [rimshot] A fan places a computer printout on the table for DDP to sign. DDP - "Hey monkey boy, this ain't my book!" Fan - "I know. It's a printout of a Wrestling Observer Live review where Tom Zenk called you leatherface. I was hopin you could sign it." [DDP laughs nervously] "HAHAHA! What a ribber that Zenk is. We kind of have an Al Snow/ Mick Foley thing goin you know." Fan - "Sure you do." We see two fans getting rowdy in line and DDP goes over to calm them down. When DDP approaches them one of the fans falls down and the other says, "You hit him!" Page has security take the guys away. What in tarnation was that?
We see a clip of Positively Page, the documentary set to air in a few months. The clip shows DDP sitting on a bench in the lockerroom and talking to the camera. DDP - "You see, these guys don't really hate me. We're all good friends in real life and... Heh, I shouldn't say it, but I'm probably the most popular guy of all of them." [DDP puts on his boots and we hear a loud "SQUISH" sound] DDP - "OH heheheh someone pooped in my boots. You see, that's called a "rib" and it's one of the
highest signs of friendship around. I bet my buddy Scott Steiner did this. Now watch as I get back at him with a rib of my own. Make sure you get him laughing and shaking my hand when he sees me." [DDP walks over to Scott Steiner and flicks the bill of his hat. Steiner turns around, sees DDP, turns bright red and shoves him with all his might. DDP goes flying backwards and lands inside of his locker. Steiner walks over, closes the locker, locks it, and walks off. We hear DDP's muffled voice from inside the locker] "We kinda have an Al Snow/Mick Foley thing going."
FromThe Shooters - "Up at PWTorch.com is a recap of Tom Zenk’s latest appearance on the Live Audio Wrestling show. For those who have never listened to any of Zenk’s audio show appearances, or never read the recaps, he’s one of the most quotable guests to ever appear on the shows....... Luke Johnston would have a field day with filling editions of I Didn’t Say It with the quotes Zenk rattles off. Take a gander at these Zenk quotes:"Zenk’s interviews ....more entertaining than
the best Rock promo"* “So I hope Bischoff just takes his old timer crew and goes run the roller derby or Battledome - and we'll take a fresh crew of TBS guys and we'll start our own program and I bet within one year you could draw higher ratings.”
* “(Diamond Dallas) Page, you should throw yourself off a five story building rather than mess with Scotty Steiner. That would be the safer bet.”
* “Page is a geek and (Brian) Pillman hated his guts.”
* “It's over for Dusty Rhodes (impersonating Dusty) ‘Terri Runnels seems to be doing best of all the Runnels family because she learned her knowledge by penetration not deviation, if you weel.’”
* “Hogan is old - bald means old, right?” (Note to Tom Zenk: I’m balding, and I’m only 29 years old. Then again, maybe I don’t want to give Hogan an excuse.)
* “But Vince (McMahon) has spread himself too thin and what's going to happen when the XFL players start taking bumps and taking Vicodin and Percodin and the bodies start piling up with Governor Ventura and Dick Ebersol looking on.”
* “Vince is the same guy in the (1994 steroids) court case who said Tom Zenk was the kind of guy who would take steroids from a garbage can. Well, if that's the case, I guess Vince was the one who tripped me on the way to the garbage can.”
How’s that for quotes? Damn, I wish I had cast my vote for Tom Zenk as Best Interviewee in the RSPW Awards…even if it would have been disqualified, Zenk’s audio show interviews are more entertaining than even the best Rock promo."
