Tom

King Vince - the emperor strikes back!! 

An occasional column by Z-Man, Tom Zenk

Now that Ted Turner's corporate intervention into wrestling has turned to dust - big dust! - it's time for King Vince to right some wrongs, straighten out some kinks, and bring the wrestling business back into line.

Step #1 - Revaluing the WCW talent

Remember the WCW Millionaires Club? I bet you'll never hear anyone bragging how much they're earning at WWF. Vince's contracts are structured with upside and downside guarantees. Now, with a virtual monopoly, he's stressing the lower downside. Vince is famous for asking new talent "If you had a magic wand, what would you envision yourself to be." The correct answer these days is "Broke." Vince is only as good as he has to be. Already he's replaced Lawler (on $250,000 a year) with Heyman (on $48,000 a year). He's made a monkey out of Chyna. So where does that leave the guys who jobbed to Joanie? (AND, I sort of recall, a lot of guys jobbed to Chyna!) Latterly Vince has turned his attention to the WCW talent.

(1) The King of Rehab, DDP - Bischoff paid $1.3 million a year for this three time, three time WCW world champ. How many times will DDP be WWF champ? (That's rhetorical!) In WCW, DDP had stroke, courtesy of Dusty and Bischoff. He's got no stroke anymore. He's got nothing now but raw talent, and not a lot of that! By WWF standards, DDP's nothing more than an overpaid, over-aged, and over-where? job guy. "Vince don't got nothing for DDP." Already the poor guy's been jobbed to a woman in 0.06. Jim Ross says 'we'd like to give DDP a chance to contribute." When he comes back - IF he comes back - DDP will be 'contributing' in polka dots. I guess everyone realizes now that Page wasn't worth the money Bischoff paid for his neighbour, his neighbour's wife and his neighbour's wife's ass [the Nitro Girls]. Bischoff shoved DDP down the fans' throats for more than 5 years. Nowadays DDP hasn't got five years left. As Mark Madden says, we're talking 'broken down Toyota not Rolls Royce, Jimmy Jack Funk not Dory Funk Jr." Vince knows wrestling, so he's cutting his losses. Lucky, this time around DDP is paying. (He dropped $1.2 million on his Time Warner contract to jump to WWF). Ironically, Page got into the business by paying a promoter (Verne Gagne) to be on his TV. Now he's exiting via the same route.

(2) Ric Flair/David Flair - Question - Why did Flair put his son on TV too early? Answer - to prolong Slick Ric's own career. Thanks to his daddy, David was working near the top in WCW. Nowadays he's working close to the bottom in OVW. Remember David Sammartino - "I'm David Nobody when me and my dad aren't wrestling." David's daddy, ex-champ Ric Flair's got no stroke in WWF. That means David isn't good enough for Vince's TV. Can Slick Ric just stay at home, collecting mail box money, if it means killing the Flair legacy and his son's fledgling career? Vince may not be offering much money, Ric, but its time to sign!!

(3) Sting, Luger - how come these guys weren't at the top of Vince's acquisition list? Didn't Sting draw for WCW for the past 15 years? Answer - No, Sting never drew. His fans may never admit it, but Vince knows. So, sadly, not even a phone call for Sting! I've always been a big Luger fan but like Vince says "the Lex Express ran out of gas." Sadly, I guess Vince knows best.

(4) Golddust … I meant to say Goldberg - but, since we're on the subject …. remember Jim Ross shilling for 'The Natural' Dustin Rhodes and Erik Watts back on WCW TV when their Daddies were bookers? Nowadays, JR is VP of Talent Relations at WWF. And finally he's got a chance to put his money where his mouth used to be. Last year, WCW paid Dustin $750,000 to just sit at home, and deprive WWF and the world of his talents. I'm still anticipating early acquisition by JR of this 'outstanding youngster.' Meantime, Golddust, Kevin Sullivan, Mike Graham, Barry Windham and sundry neglected talents have joined "The Genius" Dusty Rhodes down at Old McDonalds Farm. Everyone who wants to see these Florida legends has been buying tickets [200 tickets at last count, according to Meltzer]. With WWF ratings on the slide, I've gotta believe Vince and JR are heading south, with open checkbooks, to snap up The Genius' clique of 'great booking minds'. Then again, maybe not…..

(5) Finally, Goldberg - the wrestler that Vince won't afford. Signs are that Scotty Steiner will be joining the WWF soon. Even if his foot isn't healed, they can always use Scotty as a freak on a leash, led around the arena by Vince's kids or dragged through small towns to drum up ticket sales. That leaves Goldberg. Since Vince lost + or - $100 million on his XF Failure, I guess he truly can't afford Goldberg. But without Goldberg, what are Vince's hopes of building a credible rival promotion.....Scott Hall and Kevin Nash?
 

Step #2 A separate promotion for the WCW/ECW Alliance?

Forget it. Just after the WCW sale was announced, media analysts were asking "Did WWF buy WCW to get rid of it and to put it to death, or did they buy it as an ongoing business?" Well, I guess they've got their answer! Despite the fact Vince now owns WCW, he's gone well out of his way to bury all the WCW talent. Bagwell lasted 4 weeks, DDP lasted 8 weeks. Recently Vince sent 13 of the 24 WCW acquisitions back to school in Cincinatti.

In May, Linda told shareholders there'd be a separate WCW show within two weeks. Then she said the Fall. Now she says early 2002. Don't hold your breath! The truth is, WCW killed most of its own legacy and Vince is just finishing the job. In Vince's world there can only be one winner - the WWF!

Anway, Vince knows he could never run two towns. For whatever reasons, he hasn't created enough main event talent. And without top TV stars, the house shows won't draw (look at their current gates). Plus, why exhaust the guys with demanding schedules for paydays that suck with bottom guarantees. And finally, the ACTUAL bottom line - there are fewer and fewer doctors out there, like Zahorian, Hackett or Unger, to keep the boys medicated on the road, week after week, with a punishing schedule.

Last week WWF replaced Gangrel (David Heath) and Chaz (formerly of the Headbangers) with Nitro girl Paisley and ECW's Jazz. With plummeting ratings, it looks like WWF is getting back to T&A to help bring them over the top. That's what got them to the dance in the first place and, I guess that's what the fans want to see. But T& A and pilled-up wrestlers sound to me like a formula for sex and drug scandals which, for some reason, always seem to coincide with a wrestling slump. A testing time for JR's drug policy?

Personally, I'm waiting for Vince's X-PGA to stage my come back. Pro golf with pro wrestling. If I can't beat ya on the links, I'll kick your ass!! What a novel idea, huh. And all paid for by the wrestlers. I hear Vince still has lots of money to piss away on stuff like this, right? And Dick Ebersol is definitely interested.