How should a parent deal with a call from the school about their child's negative behavior? This issue has to be discussed from two different angles:

• If the school is parent-oriented
• If the school is school-oriented

Parent-oriented schools

Parent-oriented schools respect the job of the parent. They expect the parent to be the main focal point of the child's life. They expect expects the parents to be the prime determinant that influences the child's future. The school is responsible for educating the child.

A parent who receives a phone call from such a school is duty-bound to take every stop necessary in order to bring the child back to the right path. The school expects the parent to support its position and demands.

School-oriented schools

Sometimes the school establishes itself as the supreme authority for the child's socialization, behavior, and actions.

Those schools send a message that its authority is superior to that of the parents. They view parent involvement as parent interference. They are upset when parents discipline the child for issues that they have taken upon themselves.

In some cases, however, a school may limit the role of the parent, but they then ask the parent to deal with disciplinary issues. In such contradictory circumstances, it is best to explain to the school authorities that they have created a dichotomy. They should define their role.

In such a case a wise parent would accept the responsibility, on the condition that the school yields that authority. The school should empower the parent to act as needed vis a vis the child.

Unless the school does indeed yield authority, the child will feel that she is the victim of a tug-of-war. There are no winners in that game.