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There's an old light bulb joke that asks how many people does it take to screw in a light bulb and the answer is one but the light bulb has to be willing.

It's not very funny but it certainly does reflect the situation when consoling somebody. The person has to be willing to be consoled.

Strange as it may seem, there are some people who want to be sad, who want to be upset, who want to morose, who want to bewail their misfortune forever. In some cases they may actually feel that the deceased would have wanted it to be that way and would not forgive them for terminating their weeping. They find it difficult to get on with their lives and they believe in being upset. They believe in being sad about their misfortune.

Those people who have difficulty getting over their period of aveilut, of mourning, can usually point to a situation in their past.

Some people like to point to others as the source of blame for things that go on in their lives and they are morose people in general, although they may put on a smile. When this larger issue occurs they have all the more reason to be morose so they revel in their sadness.

Others like to put on a show about how pathetic to others and this is certainly a wonderful opportunity to be able to demonstrate their horrible situation.

Some people actually accuse those who comfort them of saying things that they never said so that they will be able to have a reason to be upset with themselves, to be upset with the comforters and to be able to have a good reason, at least in their own minds, for their actions.

Still others never listen to the words of comfort or consolation expressed by others. Granted, this is a natural situation under the circumstances. The issue here is whether they listen to words of consolation, comfort, or support given by others under less stressful circumstances.

Clearly, those who need the most help and the most consolation are sometimes the same as the people who accept the least. These people who are least willing to be consoled are the ones who need the treatment, care, concern, and reversal of attitudes earlier in life at a stage before a tragedy strikes so that when the tragedy, which is inevitable in the course of any person's life, when the tragedy does occur they are willing to accept the comfort that others try to offer.