• Get as much information as possible from the person who makes the offer
• Try to get names of people who can give you additional information
• Make up a list of questions and inquiries, so that you can focus on what to ask when checking out the partner

Stage II: The phone calls

Your goal is to find out as much as you can from your potential date's friends, acquaintances, and contacts. Prepare a list of the important questions before picking up the phone, in order to be sure that the conversation will flow.

• Determine basic information. You don't have to discover the eye color and height before the date
• Listen carefully. Ask about the things that are important to you without probing (you don't want to seem nosy)
• Form judgments about the person's activities, interests, and acquaintances
• Form a judgment about whether the candidate is not a suitable marriage partner

In some exceptional cases, you may decide to visit a person who has information. That face-to-face visit can be very revealing.

• You can tell whether you are getting the person's full attention
• You can study the person's facial reactions or body language
• You can ask more penetrating questions in person than on the phone

You have very limited time to obtain this information about your potential date. After all, since you have already determined that the person may be acceptable, nobody wants to delay matters. Furthermore, the basic issues have already been verified by the person who offered the match.

If you are very lucky, the preliminary phone calls - called Berurim - may give you additional, useful information that can help you make a positive or negative decision. It will also help you plan what to discuss in peson, if you do decide to go on that first date.

These Berurim may reveal confidential information. Please maintain that confidence, even if you stop dating the person. Do not tell the date that you have this information, or who gave you confidential information.

However, you may verify the information in an indirect and discreet manner.

Stage III: Will it work?

If you reach a positive decision, then you have the potential to determine whether both of you feel any chemistry towards each other.