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Shadchanim are in a strange line of work and their work is similar to people who deal with other types of products.

That's right products, not people. They don't really think about you as a person. They think about you as a source of income and there is a lot of income that's involved in this. So they take you very seriously.

Just as when you go to a clothes store, the dealer is going to try to convince you to buy the clothes, the shadchan is going to try to get you to buy their product as well. Their product is different. In your case it's a spouse. In the other case it's a garment to wear, but the idea is the same. The clothes dealer will tell you that the item looks absolutely gorgeous on your, it's as if it was made for you, it's absolutely fantastic, just right, no the fit is perfect, you have to take it in a little bit here and let it out a little bit there, but that's okay they can do it for you, and don't worry you'll get a lot of use out of this product.

When the clothes dealer tells you that, then you should beware. The clothes dealer has an interest in mind and the interest is to sell that garment. You should take along somebody objective, somebody who can tell you if it really is appropriate for you.

Real estate agents are similar. They also will push you to get the house that you want. They'll tell you look, you can't expect to get an absolutely perfect model, and the fact that it leaks a little bit and the kitchen needs to be redone and perhaps you have to move a wall here or there, listen that's okay. You can't expect perfection. You have to be able to be more flexible in order to be able to get what you want. Also with the price. I know that you set a price, says the real estate agent, but also you're going to have to be a little more flexible with this. Look at the wonderful deal that you're getting over here. It's an absolutely magnificent house and it's well worth the price, but it's not exactly the price that you had stipulated originally. That's okay. And the neighborhood is not exactly close to the things that you wanted it to be close to, but if you're going to make too many demands then you're never going to be able to buy a house so it's a good idea to be flexible enough so that you'll be able to find something and this way you can get started now, you'll move in, and when it comes down to it that's really what you want, isn't it? You want to be able to get started in your life. You're going to be able to do that now and then you'll be able to get busy with settling down. And the minor changes you see, you can't demand everything. You can't set your sites too high and the amount of money that you wanted to pay, you have to be flexible about that also in order to be able to get something that's as good as this. There are people who would be thrilled to get this. They would be dying to be able to get a house like this. Considering what you're getting it's a real metzia and you should be very very happy that you're able to get it. You should be thrilled. This is a dream house. It's the chance of a lifetime. Get it, but get it fast now before somebody else takes it, otherwise you won't be able to get into it.

They all talk like that. Shadchanim speak that way, clothes dealers, dealers with bed stores and bedding, and shadchanim, and real estate agents. They all speak the same way. They try to get you to make a quick decision, a snap decision before you might change your mind, before you might think about it too much, because if you think too much you might not make the decision that's going to give them the money and that's the important thing. It's the money. They want to make sure that they get their cut, their money from the deal. It's a business. In all of these things.

That's right. Shadchanim also. Now, of course shadchanim won't present it to you that way. They will tell you that they have your best interests in mind. They will say that they're not in it for the money, that they care about you, that they want to do what's best for you. That's their line that they give you. However, you should not believe them. They're not telling you the truth.

In each of these cases the job of the person is to push you into doing things. When you want to think about it a little bit longer they know that anybody who hesitates is unlikely to get the deal and if they get the deal they get the money.

Whether your marriage will be happy, successful, or lasting is not the issue. They don't really care about that. They want to have a business deal.

Take a look at their publicity. They talk about having 300 or 500 matches over the course of a few years. They never write how successful those matches are and people look at the statistics and they say wow I want a match also. This is the place to go so that I'll be able to get a match.

A match and you're paying somebody to pressure you to do something you don't want to do. That's what it's all about.

The bottom line is that you cannot trust the person who has the merchandise to give you an honest answer about whether his particular merchandise is the best. You can't ask that person to compare his merchandise to other merchandise. They will not give you a straight answer on it. It's foolish of you to pay to be pressured into what you don't want.

You would not ask a Toyota dealer whether his cars are better than Fiat's. He's going to tell you that they are better. Not only that but he's going to tell you the advantages of his car over the Fiat.

He'll never tell you the disadvantages, though, and you're not going to get a fair picture of what's going to happen. His job is to push his cars, and his job is to convince you to buy them. You're asking the wrong person. He will tell you to get it whether it's a perfect match for you or not.

For some reason people understand this situation when it comes to cars or beds or clothes.

Surprisingly, they don't understand the very same situation when it comes to shiduchim.

Yet, a car, a bed, or an item of clothing, a garment, can be traded in or even discarded without any problems.

A shidduch lasts for much longer.

Shouldn't you give it at least the same consideration or concern or caution before getting involved?