You may have thought that the dating process involves the selection of a date or a partner. That's true, but only at a later stage.

Another person, the confidant, must be selected first. That confidant is the single most important element in your dating process. You will be working together with that person very intensely before and during the dating process.

True, you may choose to refrain from involving others in your decisions. When dating, you may present one or more of the following reasons to keep others out of the picture:

• You do not want to divulge your own deep feelings to another person
• You may feel that you won't be able to look that person in the face after having divulged so much information
• You hesitate about revealing negative information about your potential spouse to a close or trusted person such as a relative
• You do not want to divulge issues in advance, even though they may be revealed later
• You may not want to divulge information until you have something substantial to say - and even then you may want to limit or restrict it

All of these reasons may make it difficult to select a confidant. You may even feel - and quite mistakenly - that your life would be much easier without that "burden."

It won't be easier in the long run. You would be wise to choose a confidant when selecting a partner for life.

Don't worry. A good confidant will not make decisions for you. The confidant will not divulge privileged information.

He or she will help you apply the objective facts that you have established so that you can make wise decisions. As an outsider, the confidant can help you separate facts and opinions.

That is why you have to be very careful about your next step: Selecting that confidant.