Neither of those options places you in control of the situation. In the first case, the matchmaker is in control. In the second case, your date may be in control.

For those reasons, you may want to take some pro-active steps in order to find out as much as possible in advance.

True, that is not the usual procedure for going out on a date. However, it does offer various advantages:

• You will know what to expect
• You will be able to talk about serious and relevant issues without wasting time
• You will not grope for a discussion topic or hope that you can think successfully on your feet
• You will be able to talk intelligently on your date
• You will have business in mind – the potential for marriage. After all, you are not going out just for fun
• You will be able to deal with the fact that after the first date, you may already become emotionally involved
• You may be able to avoid the predicament of considering factual information that you receive in a subjective manner. Without Berurim...
  • You might have a tendency to feel that the current candidate does meet your list of requirements
  • You might give excessive weight to your partner's positive attributes
  • You might make excuses for any negative attributes that you may discover
  • As a result, you might mislead your confidant, and come to a potentially incorrect conclusion

For these reasons, you may want to investigate the issues more carefully before going out on the first date with that potential partner.

This preliminary investigation may help you and your confidant make an objective decision about whether to accept the offer.