Due capitani Feel free to talk to your Rabbi, friends, teachers, relatives near and far, and possibly others about your dating issues, although you may want to maintain discretion.
However, this multitude of well-meaning but possibly contradictory sources may well confuse you. You may actually feel less confident as a result of your information overload. The "two Jews, three opinions" syndrome may give you the feeling that dating is far more complex than you had originally imagined.
Two common threads may begin to arise from your discussions:
Yes, discussions with well-meaning people may create confusion. The Rabbi's guidance may differ from that of a good friend. They each look at things from different points of view. Both of their opinions may conflict with the information or vibes you received from the person whom you are dating.
Furthermore, people may try to persuade you to accept their beliefs, concepts, or suggestions. If they present convincing information, then you will be confused. After all, you do want to base your decision on objective facts, not on the charismatic manner in which that advice is presented. You need somebody to remove or resolve your confusion and to help you come to a decision about what you want – before it becomes a serious impediment to your dating process.
This problem can be resolved by making the most of your confidant. You do need a single address (and not yourself) to combine the concepts that you have heard from various sources:
Without a confidant, you will be left in the unfulfilling and frustrating position of Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof - you'll tell all of the people who give you advice "You're right, too."
This does not mean that those who do not talk to others – or those who talk to too many people – will necessarily fail in their search for a good spouse. However, you do want to improve your chance of success.
Thus, your plan of action should be as follows:
That is the only way to avoid confusion. It is the best way to aim for success in your dating process.
mandano a fondo
la nave [Italian expression]
Two captains
send the ship
to the bottom
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