The various traits and characteristics that you will look for in a spouse may include that person's potential abilities to raise your future children in the way that matches your philosophy. That is very different from the usual concept of finding companionship for yourself. It also involves a different set of criteria than the usual boy-meets-girl scenario.

Why marry a parent for your children? Isn’t it important for the two of you to be compatible, or in love with each other?

Yes, of course, but other issues may be no less important.

For example, let us assume that you want your children to be fine talmidei chachamim. In that case, you may overlook your spouse's physical appearance and concentrate on the relevant parental issues. You may also decide to change the order of the items on your list to reflect this goal.

The concept of a good spouse should go together with being a good parent. Your philosophies of child rearing should dovetail. Even if you marry a person who complements a quality, trait, or linguistic ability that you do not possess, you should agree on your ultimate joint goals.

There may be some subtle ways to determine whether the person you are dating can be a good parent. A person may fool you about their future intentions. They may study in a "good" yeshiva or college in order to get a good match. They may take people's advice about how to act on a date. However, it is more difficult (but not impossible!) to successfully conceal their feelings about children.

There's more

At a later stage in this website, we will discuss the need to consider marrying your in-laws.

Clearly, there is more to dating than you may have imagined.