It is very important to maintain control of your own dating relationships. You can do this best by resisting the pressure to say "yes" at the wrong time.

That requires an explanation.

You may feel that you are being pressured into dating a person who may be inappropriate. This may be a result of various sources of pressure:

• The very criteria that you've developed in your list
  • The list may create a tug-of-war between you and the person offering an inappropriate partner
  • You may feel that the list is incorrect, since it does not match the person whom you are told is perfect for you
  • You may be tempted to modify the list (retroactively) to match the potential partner
• Statements by well-meaning people:
  • "You're not getting any younger, you know"
  • "You're too fussy"
  • "You may be busy now, but if you don't go out with this match, he will find somebody else and you'll lose him forever"
  • "You just have no idea how happy you would be if you would just get married" or
  • "You just don't realize what you are missing by not getting married already"

The list could go on and on and on.

The easy way to handle this pressure is to blindly marry one of the first matches that you are offered. After all, how bad could the person be? Besides, it may be the only way to get those well-meaning nudniks off your back!

Yes, it is much more difficult to say "no" than to say "yes." It takes a great deal of power and strength of character to say "no."

However, you have made a list, and as a result, you know what you want. You must make your own decisions about your partner for life. You must not allow others to pressure you into selecting somebody whom you know is not appropriate for you.

Your confidant may be able to empower you with ways to stand up and say what you really want. He has been discussing these issues with you at length, and he understands your needs best. That's right - this may be yet another "burden" to offer your confidant.