Marriages are supposed to last for a long time. Jews wish each other a life “until 120.” A couple that marries at the age of 20 could live together for an entire century. Most of us might not live that long, but it’s still a serious undertaking and consideration.

Have you given this immensely important decision sufficient thought and preparation? Do you understand the significance of the step that you are about to take?

Educated and thinking people often investigate their options before purchasing an appliance, a car, or a home. They try to learn about the products that are available, and then they try to get the most value for their purchase. They may consult with an expert to help them select the best product, based on all of the available facts.

Yet, that same person may select a partner for life with relative abandon. This major decision may be based on fleeting "feelings" or because their partner "clicks." They may relate to chemistry or love.

Do these people realize the significance of these concepts? Did they select a partner in the proper way? Would they choose a home appliance in such a questionable manner?

The statistics

The alarming rise in divorce statistics in some countries indicates that about half of the people in many countries regret their choice of partner. Some of those who do remain together have doubts about whether they did indeed choose the ideal mate.

It is unlikely that such a large percentage of people rejects their choice of appliances. Had that been the case, then the return rate on refrigerators and computers would have been much higher, and those industries would have suffered greatly. Clearly, people do give more serious thought to their choice of refrigerators and computers than to their choice of partners.

As a result of the amazingly high divorce rate, many people choose not to select a partner. This is an increasingly common occurrence. Others who do take the plunge stand a 50% chance of making a poor choice.

Is there a better way to make this decision? Can we reduce the possibility of suffering with an inappropriate partner, or of deciding to terminate a poor relationship?

We should not have to ask such difficult questions. We don't usually expect marriages to break up. However, we cannot deny those disturbing statistics.

Think about the last time you went to a wedding. The bride and groom seemed like a perfect couple. People gushed, "Don't they look so happy and natural together?” That being the case, how can such a "perfect" relationship collapse and go against nature?

Is it old-fashioned?

Fiddler on the Roof assumed that the two fathers would select the spouses for their children, and that the children would accept their fathers’ decision. This solved one problem before it started: any future friction between the in-laws could not be blamed on the newlyweds.

Apparently, this method worked well, and marriages that were arranged by parents, friends, or matchmakers did not seem to suffer. Yes, there were divorces at that time, but their occurrences did not approach today's epidemic proportions.

Successful marriages are still arranged in the same way in some communities. Those marriages usually survive. In most cases, the couple seems to be happy.

Select a religious Jewish neighborhood in which you may expect the marriages to have been arranged. Take a walk around that neighborhood on a Friday night. You are likely to see many young and mature smiling couples out for a stroll. The system certainly does seem to work well.

Is it the best way?

This website proposes one method, with a focus on Berurim. It suits many observant Jews who prefer to follow traditional patterns.

However, the system may or may not appeal to you. You may opt to raise that question with your confidant and with your own Rabbi. In that case, you may see some aspects of this method as examples, while other aspects can apply to your own situation in a more practical manner.

Is it politically correct?

Readers often write to me about this website. Perhaps the most common response is a querulous, "But that's just not the way it's done!"

No argument there. This website makes no claim of being politically correct. It does not reflect trends that are rampant in the 21st century. It is not politically correct.

However, the results of the way that people date and marry today clearly show that something must be done. A different approach is required.

This website reflects a method that stands a much greater chance of success.

You may decide to accept it or reject this approach. What is important to you - political correctness, or success in your marriage?

Choose only one. Statistics show that you can't have both.