Under certain conditions you may be permitted to be dishonest about sensitive issues such as your age. If the truth may prevent you from marrying, then you may consult with a Rabbi about your options.

The question is why you would want to start a permanent relationship on a basis that corrupts the trust between you and your partner. Various objective issues may arise:

• What will you do when or if the partner discovers the truth?
• Will it result in a lack of trust between you and your partner on other issues as well?
• Will you always be nervous that your partner will discover the truth about your dishonesty?
• Since a marriage is based on trust, are you weakening one foundation of your marriage before it takes place?

Yes, some people are told that they can lie so that they will not be rejected. Those people usually understand that they should reveal the truth before marrying.

However, your entire dating process will have been based on dishonesty. Your confession does give your partner an opportunity to back out, but you did get your foot in the door, after possibly wasting a great deal of his time and building up his hopes. Is that the right thing to do?

Many other basic questions may arise from this issue.

• If you can be less than honest (or tell a white lie) about one issue, can you tell a white lie on other issues as well?
• Might this opening lead to a situation in which you determine when to tell the truth?
• Can you then hide the skeletons in your closet – or other issues that are less desirable for you to reveal?
• Could this lead to other issues in which you are less than dishonest in the future?

True, a dishonest statement must be preceded by consultation with your rabbinical authority. However, are you sure that it is proper to suggest or request such a last-resort situation?