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It is important to give the child as much of a feeling of independence as possible. This means that the child will enjoy doing what he or she wants without being encumbered by the parents' pressure.

This atmosphere of freedom, acceptance, and the lack of control is very important. It means that the child can leave the home with just a casual statement instead of an interrogation, but the child himself will feel the need give details because the child will want to involve the parents, not because the child has to, not because of pressure, but just because it is an accepting environment. If the child doesn't feel that he can say where he is going then under such a circumstance he would either becopying another child who does have a problem with the parents relating where he is going. This might be because the parents of that child or perhaps one of the parents tries to control the child.

If the child feels that he is controlled, then he will be upset and he will not want to be in that position so he won't want to say where he's going.

In another case the situation might be that the child is creating a false sense of independence by not reporting on his activities or where he is going. As long as there is no pressure from the parents to keep track of the child, then the child would only have to give a casual statement of what they are doing.

A cheerful way of relating things that affect the child just as he would say to any friend is all that would really be expected, just so that the parents are in touch and know what's going on. This may be fostered by the parents who casually say where they are going themselves and the child will copy that atmosphere. When the child hears this then they might do the same unless they are influenced by somebody else who when that child needs a false sense of independence in order to escape from the parents or in order to distance themselves from a husband or a wife or an overly controlling parent.

In that case, when they copy the other child then they would act in the same way but this would be unnecessary for them in their case and it really would not add to and subtract from their own real independence. It would merely be in such a case in which the parent isn't domineering that it would be distancing themselves from the parent which is something that the child probably would not want to do.

The child may be distancing from the parent unwittingly again in order to copy the lead of another person with whom they spoke.

We thus face two issues. There is the issue of the child and his comfort level and his feeling that he can be free about things, in which case he will want to share things with the parents and this will be his natural reaction. The relationship will be comfortable and the parents will not be overbearing. They will know what they need to know without pressuring.

And then there is the other possibility in which the child is given the independence and is not pressured, yet the child does not respond in the expected manner and that would be because of the influence of another child in which that child feels the need to be closed or to find artificial ways of creating independence for himself.

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More important than the actual reality of a situation is the way that the child feels about things. You might be doing everything according to the books. You might be providing all of your child's needs, and yet your child feels frustrated and disappointed. On the other hand, you may be doing everything wrong but yet your child is appreciative and happy.

What causes this?

There are several factors. They include peer pressure in which the child might want to have what the neighbor has and you may make a decision not to give the child that pleasurable item.

It may also be the atmosphere that is created in the house. That atmosphere might be one of fulfillment or of neglect or of frustration or disappointment or of happiness or sadness.

Can you change that atmosphere or affect it?

Well, you certainly can and should try to do so. You do want to have a positive atmosphere in the house. That does not mean, however, that you will be successful. There are too many other factors that determine what the atmosphere will be.

Thus, if the atmosphere is positive you can hope that you were the cause for it and that you can be happy about it. On the other hand, if the atmosphere is negative then you do not necessarily have to be disappointed or take the blame for it as it is entirely possible that the negative atmosphere had nothing to do with you or your efforts. It may have come from any of the many other issues that determine the atmosphere of a house.

This atmosphere is very similar to the concept of tone in language.