Many things need to be discussed with a child who leaves home. Since the parents are not involved in the situation, outsiders usually attempt to help. This does not necessarily correct any bad situations.

The goal of some outsiders may be to help the child return home. However, this may become more and more difficult with the passing of time.

A child who sets up home in a new location and announces that he is now living with his new family may have made a serious decision. He may regard his guardians as his adoptive parents, even though this has not been confirmed by law. The "adoptive" brothers and sisters may also be seen by the child as his own.

It is clearly hurtful to the biological parents to receive reports about a child talking about his "other" family. Parents do not want to be on a par with or equal to any other family. Their status should be superior to any outside influence.

Yet, the child will be raised with the other family until and if he decides to rejoin his true family.

How can you determine when the child has made this decision?

Let's base our analysis on the Ten Commandments. We'll adapt some words and concepts in order to identify the necessary steps to be taken.

The first commandment is to accept the unity of G-d. The child must accept the biological father as his father and the biological mother as his mother.

The second commandment is to accept that "There shall be no other gods before Me." The child must accept that there shall be no other parents before his own parents.

The fifth commandment is to "Honor thy father and thy mother." The child must be prepared to show genuine parental honor and respect. He must show remorse for previous improper actions and then be determined to act correctly towards the parents in the future.

The tenth commandment is "Lo Tachmod, Thou shalt not covet." The child must not covet any other parent, any other brothers, or any other sisters. He may want to remain friendly with them, since they did him a favor when he left. However, that does not mean that she can covet them or feel sorry that they are not her true parents or siblings. It also does not mean that this dangerous friendship should be encouraged.