You are likely to be shocked when you first realize, discover, or are told that your child has left home. Yes, you did see it coming. You may have taken steps to prevent it. That does not lessen the impact.

The child who leaves home may select a dramatic time or place in order to increase this shock, to give it a greater impact, or to draw greater attention to the action.

Although you may be horrified, angry, or filled with recriminations by the fact that the child has left, it is important to maintain control of the situation. Take a deep breath, count to ten, take a cold shower, and then deal with the situation in a calm manner. You have to deal with the new situation in your home. You have to relate to your remaining family in the proper way. After all, if you are not in control, then the child who left home will be in control by default. In that case, the child will claim a victory in a game that you do not want to play.

A clear demonstration that your initial shock was quelled rapidly, and that there have been no significant changes within your family structure, may sometimes cause your child to reconsider the decision to leave home. That does not mean that the child will return. It does mean that the child will receive an unwritten message that one of his important goals has been thwarted. This will improve your position in future negotiations.