The concepts that we have discussed about leaving home may affect the next generation as well. This page will show how family circumstances may cause certain older, married children to leave home. The method is different, but the basic concepts remain the same as with younger children.

A young child who lives with a browbeaten parent may form judgments about the situation.

One parent may have a need to browbeat people in general, or possibly just those of the same/opposite gender. Although the parents have their own way of dealing with this situation, the child may be upset by this browbeating. She then marries a person who refuses to accept browbeating.

This leads to a complex situation. The frustrated mother-in-law has a need to browbeat the son-in-law, but the son-in-law will not allow it. As a result, the confused daughter feels guilt for causing her mother such grief - after all, the mother does have the need to browbeat. On the other hand, she is secretly happy to have escaped the cycle of browbeating.

This daughter will remain confused until she sorts out her need to satisfy her mother while being pleased that her husband can stand up against her mother.

In such a case, the daughter may leave home. Yes, she has already moved out of her parents' home, so she will move to a distant location so that her mother will have a need to chased after her. This pleases her, while also preserving her other persona as a wife.

This dual role places severe strains on her marriage, and it is not always successful. The daughter's dual but conflicting loyalty to her mother and to her husband creates a situation in which one party is likely to win - at the expense of the other.

A counselor is likely to ensure that the husband wins. After all, she has left her mother's home, and she should show loyalty to her husband. The mother-in-law has to understand and accept the new reality in a positive manner.

A woman who browbeats her husband may be frustrated when she tries to browbeat her son-in-law. She does not necessarily have the same control over the son-in-law as she has over her husband. She may attack the son-in-law with words, like calling him a tyrant. In so doing, she is pointing a finger at herself and at her own actions.

More importantly, her attacks really point to the real source of the problem. She does feel the need to be a tyrant, just as she is as home. Since the son-in-law does not allow her this privilege, she calls him a tyrant. This only exacerbates the situation.

Attacking the daughter-in-law or son-in-law

An attack on a daughter-in-law or son-in-law shows a deep-seated effort to maintain control over the child even after he has set up an independent home. The frustrated mother is using the children to lash out at her own feelings of impotence and her continued inability to control others. The parent needs counseling, since these attacks only worsen an already bad situation.