After leaving home, the child may take steps to assure that you cannot find him. This is more than a simple "hide-and-seek" game. He may move far away, leaving a forwarding address with only a few trusted, selected friends who will not relay the information to you. This is his way of controlling the situation, while at the same time he does not necessarily want you to stop looking for him.

This child is acting out of fear. He fears nothing more than communication. He does not want to admit that he was wrong. He prefers to remain incommunicado rather than to admit that he was wrong.

His problem probably began before leaving. He may well have stymied communication at home as well. Before leaving, he may have developed a system of defenses that blocked your efforts to communicate with him. With the assistance of his cohorts, he may have learned to intentionally misinterpret your statements with a special understanding of what you "really" meant.

One-way communication

This lack of communication may take a different twist. The child may choose to communicate, but only in one direction. After leaving, he may call home at will, without giving you a way to call back.

Again, he is trying to maintain control. He will decide when and where to call home. This may lead to later efforts to find when and where to extract benefits from you.

Do remain calm when your child calls home - as if you are unconcerned by his leaving. This may give him the feeling that nothing is to be gained by his actions. It will send an unstated message that perhaps he should re-think what he has done.