After analyzing whether the child should be returned, we can determine how to bring the child back.

Parents who think emotionally will not question whether the child should be brought back. They will do anything possible to achieve this goal. However, the situation might be different from a rational point of view.

Remember the Chanukah story with Chana? She had seven sons, whom she loved dearly.

The king asked her to perform various acts that were interpreted as idolatry - a clear violation of the Jewish religion.

Chana refused. The king spoke to each of the seven children in turn. The oldest child was asked to perform a relatively trivial act. The king merely asked the child to pick up his ring that was placed on the floor. The wise mother understood that her child's actions would be clearly seen and interpreted as a public show of idolatry, by bowing down to the king.

Emotionally, the mother would certainly have wanted the child to do anything necessary in order to survive. A momentary investment of the child’s time could have kept the child alive.

However, Chana acted rationally. She understood that certain things have a long-term effect, and that this was the time to control her emotions. Her faith in G-d was so intense that she correctly instructed the child not to perform idolatry.

The king ordered the child to be killed before her eyes. He then demanded that the second child perform an act of idolatry. After seeing the murder of her first child, the mother's overwhelming emotional needs were undoubtedly intensified. Her decision about her next child was influenced by the fact that her family size had just been reduced. A rational approach at this time would have been to keep her six remaining children alive.

However, her rational faith and belief in G-d and in Divine justice prevailed. The king ordered the second child to be killed.

This scenario was repeated with the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh children.

Throughout the generations, Chana's behavior has served as an example for performing a greater good, rather than following the heart.

The child's decision

Our case may be different. The child may not want to return. Alternatively, he may have reasons to feel that he cannot return. Under such circumstances, he should be allowed to make his own decision. This requirement grows stronger as the child grows older.

Splitting the child

Sometimes the child needs to be split.

When should we act emotionally, and when should we act rationally? Although each situation is different, we cannot expect to be on Hannah's level. Most parents cannot make these decisions independently. These intensely difficult decisions must be made in conjunction and cooperation with others whom the parents trust.