Children who leave home sometimes make their parents feel guilty. The parents may feel that they did a poor job of parenting. They may ask questions:

• What could they have done that was wrong?
• Weren't we good parents?
• Didn't we do everything that we should have?

Expressions of regret send a message to those who remain that leaving home might be a positive, good thing to do. It shows that they can obtain valuable attention and rewards by controlling the family.

The family may experience a period of grief. They may recall or even dwell upon things that were done. They will imply that things would have been different if the child had been encouraged to remain at home.

This regret or grief is dangerous beyond the immediate or obvious level. It could lead some of the remaining family members to think about leaving themselves, in order to gain the same attention. This domino effect could ultimately lead to the collapse of the entire family.

"What a shame"

Go beyond feelings of guilt, regret, grief, or recriminations. Statements such as “What a shame,” "If only," or “Too bad” serve no effective purpose and they will not return your child. Look to the future. Be realistic, and accept the situation.