A child who leaves home may have unusual ways to show respect to the parents he left behind.

Although this may seem strange, the child may arrange to attend a school that he feels would have met with his parents' approval. He will stay with the "right" kind of family. It is as if he is saying, "Listen, I didn't do anything wrong. I've stayed within the range of what you have expected. True, I left home, but I have acted in a responsible manner. I have not deviated from family rules or guidelines. I've accepted and I will continue in the way that you have raised me."

Of course, his reasoning is absurd. After all you didn't raise the child to leave home and to determine what you would have wanted him to do.

Looking a bit deeper, you may realize that the child is trying to place blame. He wants to prove that it is your fault that he left, while he remains a good person.

The child also wants to lend credence to his badmouthing by showing that he is acting properly. If that is the case, then obviously the parent is wrong.

The child may even go out of his way in order increase the parents' feelings of guilt. He seems to say, "I accept your traditions. However, you, my parents, have done things that were wrong and bad, and you have therefore forced caused me to leave. I have no reason to feel guilty. I'm continuing to do the right things. However, I want you to feel guilt and to act accordingly." The child expects the parents' guilt to increase when they realize what a perfect child has left home.

The parents are now caught in a bind. The child has won this round. If the parent shows disapproval for the child's activity, then it may be interpreted as a lack of desire for the child to follow family traditions. If the parent shows approval, then the child will interpret the message as an indication that it was right to leave home.

Keep both of these points of view in mind when dealing with this issue, and walk a very careful tightrope.