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Many people go into marriage with a concept of "let's see what will happen," rather than planning things in advance. They may discuss the trivial, side issues, but they avoid the potentially troublesome problems. As a result, they have to make off-the-cuff, last-minute, on-the-spot decisions, and it is frequently obvious that they did not think out these issues sufficiently

Unfortunately, although people do not want to raise touchy or sensitive issues, it would be wise to deal with them before the wedding, so tht you will have a joint policy of how to act if a problem arises.

Let's take some examples:

• Some hot-headed people or relatives or friends do not get along well with each other
  • Touch subjects are involved
  • Nobody wants to talk about them
  • The parties involved may want to express themselves at the wedding
  • It could create a scene.
• Certain invitees are known to have problems holding their liquor
  • Shouldn't you discuss the liquor that is placed on their table?
  • Shouldn't you discuss the liquor that is served at the wedding in general?
  • If you decide to have liquor despite them, shouldn't you discuss the potential problem that may arise?
• Guests will arrive from different cultures, traditions, or backgrounds
  • For example, the groom may be from an Ashkenazi background, and the bride is from a Sfardi background
  • There will be differences in the chupah ceremony
  • There will be differences in the Rabbis who peform the ceremony
  • There will be differences in the performance of the Mesader Kedushin
  • There will be differences in the requests for music that is played by the orchestra
  • There will be differences in the type of food that is served
  • Guests may be offended when these issues do not match their expectations
• You may have forgotten or you may have been unaware of the dietary requirements of one or more guests
• You may have forgotten to handle the particular kashrut requirements of one or more guests
  • Some guests may feel uncomfortable with the food, or be forbidden to eat it for any reason
  • You may have inadvertently neglected to handle the special arrangements for one or more guests whose requirements are known to you
• Some relatives may be against the wedding itself

There are likely to be other issues as well.

• Do you want to discuss these issues in advance with those who may be offended?
• Do you want to involve others in any compromises in order to thwart any potential for an explosion?
• Do you want to work out these issues in a small or a large forum?

No matter what your decisions, shouldn't you plan how to deal with these issues in advance?