Other people are soft and gentle.

There are advantages to being tough. Tough guys do get their way more often than others. They also seem to have just as many friends. Their support group does not seem to suffer by their toughness.

Softies face an additional challenge: People often give them unwanted advice. Softies tend to follow that advice – sometimes because they are not able to stand up to those who proffer it.

Usually, softies receive harmless advice. One particular suggestion, however, could be dangerous. People sometimes tell softies to be tougher. They are told to stand up for their rights, especially when attacked by a bully.

This may work when a child is young. Perhaps a child can be trained to be tough to some degree and to stand up for his rights. It may be the only way to survive kindergarten.

However, as the child grows up, it becomes less desirable to train him to be tough.

Furthermore, a child of soft parents may be even less likely to be tough. He may have nobody (with the possible exceptions of those outside his immediate family) to encourage and train him to demand his rights. His role models are sweet, pleasant softies.

The real losers

The real losers are those who take advice from everybody. They are buffeted about as a result. Their supposed well-wishers make life very difficult.

These people do have a way to stand up. They can raise their heads high and demand that others leave them alone. They can announce that they want to live their lives in their own way. They can learn to realize that they do not gain true friendships by acquiescing to their every demand.

In effect, softies can demand their right to stand up and lose. In this way, they cut their losses, and they do not lose more than the issue at hand.

These softies should state their new goal clearly – at least to themselves: "Since I'm prepared to lose anyhow, I've determined that I will not lose a second time by pretending to be tough. Let me be myself - a softie. Don't make me lose twice."

That's also winning.