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Think about what you want from your child, how you want to raise the child, and what your child will be like before he is born. Discuss the issues and prepare a written agreement of your goals and decisions - and then remain firm to your commitment. You will be more likely to achieve your goal if both you and your spouse know exactly what you want in advance.

The longer you postpone these decisions, the less likely you are to be satisfied with the results.

Thus, if you want to raise your child to be a bilingual, then learn how to raise a bilingual before the child is born, so that the child will be born into a family that fosters bilingualism.

If you have goals about his level of Torah learning, then make decisions and firm commitments in advance. Advance planning will not only make it work out better, but it will also be easier to raise your children.

These goals should be very specific. Vague goals are arguably the same as no goals.

Your goals should not be based on the philosophy of a particular school, and it should not be based on a school of thought for doing certain things. Schools may change over the course of time, and different schools may be established. Schools of thought may change, and they may conflict with your philosophy. More important is the specific accomplishments, goals, attitudes, and approaches that you want your child to develop. These things will not change, and they do not depend on institutions or individual philosophies.

Be sure that all of these goals are based on the parents' combined and joint desires, and of your own vision of the way that your child should be raised.

The goals should also reflect a more general approach to the way that you want all of your children to be raised. Granted, you will develop a new vision statement before the birth of each statement. It may be based on your new understandings or on your experiences with previous children. However, the basic overall goal should remain consistent, and there should be no clashes.

Summary:

Each individual child should have a specific vision statement that is developed in advance.

The vision for all of your children could be less specific and can develop over time. However, it should be a vision statement that can include changes, and that can include the way that you see your family as a whole, when the children are grown up.