åéùîï éùøåï åéáòè
And Yeshurun became fat
and kicked
(= rebelled)
- Deuteronomy 32:15

What causes a child to rebel?

Although a child may indicate that recent troublesome issues triggered his rebellion, he probably would have found other reasons, if needed. Although his trigger may make you feel guilty, you don't have to accept the blame. Another trigger might have changed the onset, intensity and duration of his rebellion - but he would have rebelled in any case.

Some people feel that the more well-behaved the child, the more of a chance that he will ultimately rebel. It is as if the child wants to compensate for being so good during the first years of life. However, this has not necessarily been the case in practice. Your child may act properly when young, and may continue his good behavior through adolescence.

Since you are unlikely to be able to control your child's friendships and associates, the child may associate with those who rebel. You would do well to place your child in a good Jewish school, try to live in a good neighborhood and explain which Jewish friendships you want to encourage. Do your part and pray for the best.

After all, children from good homes and neighborhoods may also influence your child in a negative manner.

Even these efforts may backfire. Some children misbehave or rebel because of undue parental pressure. The children copy others who misbehave or rebel as a solution to their pressure.

Children sometimes have concerns when they grow up. Your children may be affected by developmental stages in a more severe manner than others.

Seemingly trivial or unpredictable crises or traumas may cause the child to react in a manner that is different and far more intense than you had expected. You, as a parent, may have mistakenly thought that a problematic issue was handled and forgotten. A child may seem to show that he has accepted, dealt with, or ignored an issue, but it may be burning within him.

Unresolved issues or conflicts may become more intense over time. The child mulls over the issue. His imagination may change the circumstance itself. That is important, because the way in which the child perceives an issue is more important than reality. You may not be able to correct the child: “That did not really happen that way. It happened this way.” The child knows his perception of the “truth” and is not necessarily interested in the facts.

Children may be frustrated by a world that they cannot improve. They may rebel in order to force their environment to act or behave in the way that they feel is proper. Their helplessness reflects an effort to control an unmanageable world.

A child receives all of his needs during his early stages of development. As this period of gratification terminates, the child realizes that he will no longer receive all of his desires. On the other hand, he has a growing need to demand things and to make changes. Unfortunately, the surrounding world is not necessarily prepared to grant the child his perceived “necessities.”

The child may scream out in frustration and anger in order to demand that his goals, needs, and desires be fulfilled. His next recourse may well be a rebellion.