This page is still under construction.

It's pretty hard to explain why this is the case, but a serious reconciliation or even a serious case of repentence or Teshuva seems to have a certain requirement. This is not an ultimate requirement. It can work without this requirement, but this requirement certainly does help.

Ya gotta hit bottom.

That means that someone who has reached the depths, someone who has reached the lowest stage will be able to understand the concept of reconciliation and will be able to have a true reconciliation.

On the other hand, someone who is still wavering, someone who is not sure whether it's worth it to come back will remain with those doubts.

When the Children of Israel left Egypt our sources report that they had reached a very low level of propriety. As a matter of fact, on a scale of levels of impurity that goes from 1 to 49, they were just about touching level 49 before they actually left. And indeed it was because they had reached such a low level that they were able to be redeemed from Egypt.

It seems that this situation is the same with many other issues. Many people will not turn their lives around and improve themselves until they have reached a point nearly at the point of no return and it is only then that they can change.

A child who has left home has to separate himself from the home and the parents have to separate themselves from him sufficiently so that he knows that there is nothing for him to do but to return. This doesn't necessarily mean that he will take that option, but if he does make a complete separation then he may be wise enough to take this option.

On the other hand a child who has left home but occasionally returns, occasionally does some things with the family, but the child is doing this while the child has left, is not going to be able to return as readily. He might not even understand the concept of returning. He might rationalize that he is still a part of the family. He is still involved in things having to do with the family, especially if they are important enough. So, there's no reason for him to turn his life around and to do better. He has not reached the depths.

A child has to be allowed to reach the depths to lower himself to a situation in which he is close to the point of no return, in which the child says look I have done everything possible to sever my ties with my family. It is only at that point that the child can say okay now I have to make a decision. Do I want my family or not?

At this point a wise child will select his family and the child can reconstruct his ties with his family and become a legitimate part of the family again. But this is only after he has reached a separateness, a severance, a cut, which is as strong as could possibly be. Then he will have to make the decision.

If he has not made a complete break from the family and if he thinks that he might be part of the family still then there's nothing to come back to and the child will waver in this wishy washy half-way point possibly for the rest of his life because he doesn't understand the need to do anything more.

This total break, this severance, is part of the reconciliation process.