One of the secrets
of a long and fruitful life
is to forgive
everybody
everything
every night
before you go to bed.
- Bernard Baruch

After listening to a partner, client, or relative vent a problem at great length, it may be well to ask an important question:

"Are you prepared and ready to forgive?"

Yes, you have gripes, issues, complaints, and arguments against the one who has wronged you. That other side probably has issues to raise about you as well. Yes, by now everybody may be angry.

However, you have think about your goals. What are you expecting to happen as a result of your meeting or session? What happens after you have vented your feelings? Does the discussion stop there, or do you want to reach a positive, useful conclusion?

Reconciliation is not likely to result from either side proving that their position is right. It is more important at this stage to look to the future. That can be accomplished only if you are willing to forgive.

Yes, you may stipulate conditions for that forgiveness. The other party may be required to rectify any damage. After reaching that armistice, we still have to return to the basic question:

"Are you prepared and ready to forgive?"

It may be wise to begin the counseling session with that basic question. If you are ready and prepared to forgive, then the counseling or arbitration can continue. If not, then both sides are wasting their time.

This fact makes the sessions move along more productively. It reduces the counseling for the aggrieved side(s) to one basic question:

"Are you prepared and ready to forgive?"