People face many struggles and challenges when they begin their new lives after school. They face major choices about the military, getting married, living on their own, going to work or more. Sometimes, this difficult period of time leads to unexpected issues, such as grief over the passage from the past, as well as the move into the new – and sometimes fearful – life as an adult.

When is grief justified?

Some people may grieve about leaving the good life in graduate school or in any other setting that they enjoyed.

This contrasts with those who like the idea that they are relieved of the pressures that they faced in school. On the one hand, they no longer have to bother with exams or papers, but they may also miss the structure that they had. Although they might like their newfound freedom and independence that comes with not going to school, they lack the stimulation that they had previously experienced. They may have appreciated the fact that they were guided by others, and that they knew what they had to do every day.

When that happens, some people try to accomplish more than the expected demands of life or work. When they start out in a new field or a new job they may feel an exaggerated need to prove to themselves and to others that they can be successful. They may also feel a need to compensate for their lack of experience or knowledge, or even for their lack of abilities or skills.

This misguided need sometimes backfires. Those people may push themselves too hard, causing them to burn out.

It is certainly important to make an effort to develop a personal program of action on a regular basis. However, people who are starting out in life may not be familiar with a number of issues:

• They may not know how much time to allocate to a given issue
• They may not know how to carry out a task in the most efficient way
• They may not know how to live with the fact that they want to be able to accomplish many things quickly on the one hand, but they also want to remain flexible
• They may want to start their life in their own way, while on the other hand they may have a need to get many things done simultaneously

They may crave to establish a pattern in life, but find that it is elusive.

Crises

In all too many cases, these people are stumped by their first crisis. They soon realize that they did not learn as many things as they should have. They miss the ability to choose things to do. Now that they are out in the field, they find that they have to put aside some of their desires because of other requirements and obligations.

At the same time, their new life sometimes forces them to compensate or to make up for some topics that they didn’t study. No matter how successful they were in school, and no matter how good their school was, there will inevitably be differences when they actually join the workplace. They may find that the demands don't meet the patterns that were stressed during their studies.

Ethics

People starting out in life or in work may also have to face a new standard of ethics.

Honesty takes on a new meaning. It sometimes takes a back seat to political correctness.

Some people might offer them a gift for a job or favor that they have done. Even more problematic – they may offer them a gift for a job or a favor that was not yet done.

• Is it proper and ethical to accept the gift?
• What is the difference between a gift and a bribe?

Other issues may arise when a co-worker discusses a problem or a personal issue that is not directly related to work.

• How should people relate to an issue that is related to work, but which takes up more time than it should?
• At what point does a person draw the line or refuse to handle such issues during work time?
• Where and under what circumstances do work time and work issues begin, and where do they end?
• Is it proper to become so intimately involved in the lives of colleagues, just because they share an office or place of work?

Morale

Some issues arise when more seasoned workers lose their morale. This burnout causes them to feel depressed or upset about their work. It can spread to new workers who enter the workforce with a great deal of enthusiasm, after learning and thinking about about the ideal ways that things should be done, based upon their schooling.

• At what stage should a person draw the line between material that they have studied and the reality at work?
• At what point should they listen to cynical co-workers or to those who may not want to work?
• How much should they listen to the problems of others?
• How much should they listen to lashon hara?
• How much should they listen to co-workers who criticize their spouses or others?
• If they do listen to these people, how will it affect their own attitude to significant others?
• What factors may disillusion or drag down a good worker?
• How much can a person withstand peer pressure from others?

Quality

Some people are afraid that they not good enough or that they weren’t trained well enough.

• They may not feel confident in their abilities to succeed in their work
• They may work with others who are indeed superior to them
• They may work with those who have much more experience

As a result, these people may be filled with questions and doubts:

• What should I do if I face a certain situation?
• How should I deal with a certain problem?
• What happens if I do or say something silly or foolish?
• What happens if I make a mistake?
• What if my coworkers discover that I am incompetent or incapable of doing this work?

As these questions continue and develop, a person may develop a series of secondary questions:

• Is my work worthwhile or beneficial to humanity?
• Will my work enhance my own personal development or progress?
• Am I wasting my time at work?

Too much thinking in this direction may lead them to reach dangerous conclusions:

• Perhaps my work is not sufficiently important
• Perhaps it is not worth the effort of pressuring myself to increase my efficiency or effectiveness

A possible solution

Some people deal with these issues by trying to constantly improve themselves and their skills. In this way, they hope to be able to succeed even more in their lives, and to ensure that their work will be meaningful and helpful,

However, this should be balanced by the fact that they have to push themselves to do things that may ultimately violate their beliefs.

It also means that their work may become the center of their lives. As a result, it may cause them to set aside other important issues, such as family, personal, or ethical development.