I used to say
"I sure hope things will change"
Then I learned
that the only way
things are going to change for me
is when I change
- Jim Rohn

Another article in this series relate to issues relating to within the person’s own abilities, psyche, looks, physical makeup that cannot be changed. This article relates to the other option - the things that cannot be changed because of external causes or forces. It is more difficult to resolve limitations within other people.

Of course, this also relates to your perception of the cause of the problems. This series of articles assumes that you accept the responsibility.

The other person may be an employer with intransigent demands. If these demands are greater than the employee can bear, then the employer will have to modify his demands or the person will have to seek another job.

A spouse may also make demands that are too great to bear. Again, either the spouse can learn to accept the partner's limitations, or the couple may have to go their separate ways.

Children may make great demands. The parents may have to accept the children’s limitations or acquiesce to their perceived needs, or face a rebellion. These alternatives may have to be resolved by appropriate counseling.

Other significant people in a person’s life may have reasonable or unreasonable demands that cannot be changed. In these cases the question is whether there is hope of changing the other person.

If the other person can be changed then the question is whether it is worth the effort. In the case of the employer for example, although the employer might be able to be changed, the employer might not accept the fact that the change was necessary in the first place and it may negatively affect his relationship with the client.

This same situation could exist with a spouse who may be able to change but who then may also change his relationship with the client or with other significant people who are causing a difficulty. In most cases the future result the long term results of any change in other people is doubtful or at best unpredictable and for this reason it is usually not recommended to try to change other people to meet the person’s own expectations, needs, or requirements.

If the person cannot cope with the situation for which cannot be changed then something has to change within the person’s own expectations, demands, or needs.

These are the real changes that are required in the counseling sessions and they are going to be affected by the stubbornness of the person, the person’s feelings about how justified she is or her needs are and over here.