An intermediary can intentionally block an otherwise good discussion. He may intervene for any of several reasons:

• He does not believe in the issues raised in the discussion
• He wants to fight you
• He has other reasons for wanting the discussion to fail

You may want to postpone a planned discussion if that intermediary has sufficient charisma, power, or influence. He is likely to assure that you will not be on a fair and equal footing with your partner, and - in effect - you will be arguing against the intermediary. Thus, the intermediary can render your discussion meaningless.

The foolish intermediary

A third party should never be involved or invoked during the course of the debate. That intervention is called meddling. It will not help the situation. It will worsen it.

A foolish, unthinking, or malicious statement by a trusted third party could be the cause for an issue. The counselor may have to consult with that "friend" in order to resolve the issue.

However, after the counselor has helped to handle that issue, the client and the discussion partner can begin to make up for lost time very quickly.

Sometimes, even a counselor, psychologist, or confidant may present problems in a discussion. For this reason, any third-party intervention must meet certain requirements:

• The intermediary must be agreed upon by both sides
• The intermediary must be agreed upon in advance
• The intermediary must be objective

As a result, there are many cases in which it is impossible to find a suitable intermediary - and it's often better that way.

An additional point: The degree of respectability of the intermediary may affect the client's acceptance. An otherwise good intermediary who is too "important" or intimidating may actually hinder or impede proper discussions. He may use his status to pressure one side, and in so doing, the client may agree to conditions that would have been rejected under other circumstances.