Some of these communications are focused on the listener (rebuke, constructive criticism), others (venting, blabber) are intended for themselves, and still others may be focused on a third party (slander, badmouthing).

Each of these options, in turn, may have different levels. For example, blabber may be harmless, but sometimes it could give the listener the impression that the speaker wants to help or to offer unwanted recommendations.

Can you distinguish among these options? Can you tell whether somebody is offering worthwhile information that you should consider seriously, or whether it should be ignored? How do you know whether they want to help you, or whether they have other motives?

It can be difficult to distinguish among these things, but you can take certain steps:

• Try to find out whether their advice was helpful for other people.
• Try to determine whether this person has an ulterior motive or an agenda when he gives the advice. If so, be wary.
• Try to determine whether this is a true friend, who really cares about you, your future, your success, your happiness, and your problems.
• See whether a third party has been involved and has asked this person to speak to you. This might be related to the agenda issue. If so, try to determine the motives of that intermediary.
• Talk to the person straight. Ask for his goal in offering this advice. Sometimes they will offer an explanation up front, and it will help you determine how to act.
• In a business setting, try to evaluate whether the person feels that he is in competition with you. If so, then his recommendations may be suspect.
• Do an introspection
  • Do you really need advice?
  • Are you satisfied with the way you are handling your affairs in general?
  • Are you satisfied with the way that you are handling the issue at hand?
  • Will this additional advice confuse you?
• Will the advice that is proffered by this person conflict with that offered by your confidant?
• Can you relate to this as additional and helpful information, or as intrusive and confusing information?
• Study the topic under consideration from a library or from the Internet.
  • Try to find impartial sources that could give both sides to the picture.
  • After you understand the situation, you will be able to approach this person in a better way
• Ask others what they feel about the situation
  • Do their ideas and concepts dovetail with the person who is giving advice?
  • Why or why not?
  • This does not mean that the information is correct or incorrect
  • This does mean that you may have to investigate the reason for the differences.

Because of this mass of information, you are likely to want to work on this issue together with somebody else.

These considerations relate to someone who complains about you or about something that you did. A person who simply complains about things in general is likely to be venting. You can either listen to the person or ignore him, depending on your personality.

Keep in mind that it is impossible to listen to everybody's conflicting or contradictory suggestions and advice. Remember that some people talk for its own sake, and that some people say anything without thinking about it.