People with problems may tend to seek out other opinions. In some cases, they may try to collect suggestions from many people about how to resolve their problem. In those cases, they hope to get a range of responses.

Ostensibly, that seems like a reasonable goal. However, it raises some problems:

Not everybody will be willing to discuss their issue.

• Some will simply refrain or refuse from doing so
• Others will just listen politely and silently
• Still others will respond with a simple form of empathy, such as "tsk-tsk"

The real problems arise when people do accede to the request. Unfortunately, those who acquiesce are not necessarily the best ones to help. They may not be in a position to offer suggestions or ideas that will promote the person's best interests. They may offer incorrect and misguided opinions just as readily as good ones.

The combination of responses that are received could be dangerous.

Advice for the person who asks many questions

Some of the people whom you ask will perceive you as a person who has problems. They may or may not express their feelings to you directly, but their perceptions could remain long after you have resolved your issue. They will feel sorry for you rather than empathizing with you.

In other words, they will react in an undesirable manner.

Still others may share the information about your problem, either correctly or incorrectly, with other people. Your problem will then become public knowledge. These rumors or rechilut may remain long after the problem is resolved.

In short, it is best to limit the number of people who hear about your problem.

Those with whom you do speak should be selected carefully. They should able to help, understand, and offer useful advice. Most people do not fill these criteria.

There's more.

Some people become confused when they receive too many responses or options.

On the other hand, by limiting the number of people, you will be able to deal with the variety of responses that you receive. You may be capable of weighing three to five responses, but twenty responses are more likely to become a confused and uncontrolled jumble in your mind.

When this happens, some people may grope for the right answer, after which they simply select a random idea. That is worse than not receiving any suggestions at all.

Furthermore, if you accept a random idea because you were overwhelmed with the large number of responses, then you could have resolved the issue yourself without having burdened others - and without having spoken to the wrong people.

The guidelines are therefore quite clear:

• Limit the number of people with whom you speak about your problem
• Discuss it only with those who may seriously be able to offer worthwhile suggestions or advice