Bottom line: Following Jesus is not about making things better. It is a matter of life or death.

On this final Sunday before Holy Week, Jesus tells us, "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat, but if it dies it produces much fruit." Then he adds these bracing words, "Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life." Following Jesus is not about making the world a better place.* Nor is it about improving one's life. No, following Jesus is a matter of life or death.

To illustrate this I would like to tell you about a book that affected me deeply. It might surprise you: the book is short novel by Leo Tolstoy, called "The Death of Ivan Ilyich." Ivan Ilyich is a 45-year-old man who has achieved a good life: He has risen to a prestigious job with sufficient income to purchase the things he wants. His peers admire him and people in general respect him. Apart from an unhappy marriage, he enjoys life - especially playing cards with his friends.

But then an illness strikes. Ivan Ilyich believes he can overcome it - as he has overcome every other obstacle. As we would say, he is a fighter. His own carelessness, he (and others) suspect, has brought on his adverse condition. By an act will, he can return things to normal. Prominent doctors examine him and make various hypotheses about what is wrong. Ilyich, however, see through their pretensions. He has done the same sort thing in the courtroom.**

The doctors speculate about "floating kidney, chronic catarrh, or appendicitis." Whether the condition is fatal, they do not want to say. Likewise his family and friends avoid that unpleasant subject. At the same time, Ilyich sense that they would be relieved if he went quickly. He is an embarrassment and a bother to them.

Ilyich longs for someone to sympathize with what is really happening to him, yet he himself cannot put it into words. One man - a peasant named Gerasim - shows genuine pity. By supporting Ilyich's feet on his shoulders, Gerasim brings some relief to the suffering. More important, Gerasim evidences concern for a fellow human facing what all must face. Through him Ilyich moves from seeing his condition as a struggle between sickness and health to what it really is: a matter of life or death.***

Gerasim's concern enables him to ask a question: "What if my whole life has been wrong?" But Ilyich dismisses the question. He has, after all, acted by the conventions of his society - and done things quite properly. But the question won't go away. Eventually it enables him to see his coming death in a different way.****

The novel concludes with paradox that the life Ilyich clung to was in fact deadly, while the death he dreaded held out something beyond his imagining.

One can read Tolstoy's short novel in a couple of hours (it is only about a hundred pages long) - and it is readily available at libraries, bookstores and even on-line. Tolstoy's insights (and satire) is as well aimed today as it was a century and a half ago.***** I recommend it as a helpful preparation for Palm Sunday and Holy Week. It illustrates what Jesus tells us today. "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat...whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life." Following Jesus is not about making things better. It is a matter of life or death.

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