Satisfying Ones Wife by Oral & Manual Stimulation

Permitted to Stimulate Wife After Orgasm?

Dear Father,

I am a marine out in Kuwait right now and I have a hobby of looking into all
the questions of moral theology not only for my own sake, as I am a married
man, but also for the sake of others as I am often called by God to answers
questions that people have regarding matters of Church teaching. I read a
question that was posed to you about weather or not a man is permitted to
stimulate his wife to orgasm after the conjugal act has already reached its
end for him in the normal and moral way, namely ejaculation in the vagina. I
have read statements by competent moral theolagians( Fr. Germain Grisez, Fr.
Benedict Asheley O.P. and others) that say that it is perfectly permitted to
do so. The mode of stimulation I think is somewhat irrelevent as long as it
is not disagreeable to either of the spouses so oral stimulation in this
context would be permitted. I would go further and interject something that
might be considered personal opinion and say that I think the man has an
obligation to satisfy his wife completely in every sexual act he performs. I
think this is so for a few reasons: 1. It requires very little effort for a
wife to please her husband, men are very simple sexual creatures. This is
not the case with women. For a woman to achieve sexual satisfaction requires
more effort and care on her husband's part. I thing God designed it this way
to make men expend the time and the effort necassary to please their wives;
to get to know them intimately in a variety of different ways so as to keep
a man honest so to speak. It makes a man have to consider the effort that
the act is going to require so that he will be more discerning about when to
engage in the marital act and won't simply use it as an outlet to his own
pleasure. 2. The two purposes of the marital act are, as you well know,
procreative and unitive. If either one of these is missing the result is an
imcomplete marital act. Orgasm is by design part of the unitive aspect of
the marital act; a man fulfulls both every time he has an orgasm however it
is not necassary for a woman to orgasm in order to satisfy the procreative
aspect but it is very frustating emotionally to a woman to be left unpleased
and I would contend that there has to be some sort of hormone that is given
off when a woman has an orgasm that readily leads them to feelings of union.
I'm not a scientist but I think there must be something to that. 3.  To turn
one's spouse into an object of one's own design's is always sinful in
marriage. The most common way of doing this is of course lusting after your
spouse for you sexual pleasure. I would say however that there is maybe a
less common tendency(mostly on the part of men) to turn his wife into
nothing more than a procreative vessel. I think this is the tendency of the
more "rigid" minded Catholic. They won't do anything outside the "norm" to
please their wives so if it does not simply happen during intercourse it
isn't going to happen; they are not going to resort to other means of
pleasing their wives for fear that in the process they may commit some sort
of sin. These are issues that need to be addressed in pre cana classes or
marriage prep classes for the sake of both spouses but mainly for the sake
of the wives for men are never going to be as hard to please as their wives.

**********

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