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AWESOME OPPORTUNITY ANNOUNCEMENT

The "BIG THREE" need you.

No background checks. No references needed.

Only the highest qualified applicants will be accepted.

All applicants will have their past history removed forever and will receive this wonderful opportunity by just believing, humbly accepting and asking the Lord. (Please mention this ad)

Qualifications: Minimum requirements are as follows. You must know the Lord as your personal Lord and savior. That Jesus is the Son of God, He died and was risen on the third day. New persons on the waiting list will learn "Upward Communication Principles" (prayer) as well as "Networking" (discipleship). All applicants are required to learn how to "Surrender" and become "Obedient" to the Lord.

Experience: Minimum requirements are as follows. Applicants must know how to love their God with all their heart, soul, mind strength and love their neighbor as themselves. Other experience would include work in one or more of the following areas: FAITH, HEALING, HELPING, HOSPITALITY, MERCY, MIRACLES, KNOWLEDGE, or WISDOM along with many experiences of the Spirit.

Education: MBA (Mop and Bucket Attitude) of the Policy and Procedure Manual (The Bible) is highly desireable. However, knowledge of the four (4) Gospels is an awsome start.

List all training programs or life experiences that you have completed that would relate to this position.

Bonus points (crowns) for the following applicants: Fishers of Men and Spreaders of Faith Seeds.

If you are already on the "LIST" (Lamb's Book of Life)You will be receiving occasional welfare checkups by the Company Comforter; aka "Holy Spirit". The Comforter will always be available 24 hours a day for any advice or help. However, there is one condition for this support. All forms are at the discretion of the Comforter. This will include type, time and form of delivery.(Company Policy, P&P Manual, Jn 14:16)

If you are not sure you are on the "LIST" or maybe you have left the "LIST" you are greatly missed by the Owner and the Owner is greatly saddened. You are strongly advised to re-apply because the Owner needs you the most.

This Awesome organization has "Zero Tolerence" towards sin and you will be subject to random spiritual testing.

Individuals who have "Worldly" disablities and desire reasonable accomadations are strongly encouraged to take that first step today. Our staff includes "The Great Physician", "Prince of Peace" and "The Wonderful Councelor.

Once you have accepted the conditions of this announcement, you will have a period of time to understand the fact that the "BIG THREE" truly love you. This is very important, for once you are promoted to the Boardroom (Heaven),(promotion guaranteed, everyone will love you.

For more information, please contact the "Human Resources Representative", Lord Jesus Christ.

ACT NOW ! THIS WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY MAY END SOON FOR YOU.