RETIREMENT
From A Child's
Point of View
After a Christmas
break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they
spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
We always used to
spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick
home but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida.
Now they live in a
place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They
ride on big three wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags because they don't know
who they are. They go to a big building called a Wrecked Hall. But if it was
wrecked they got it fixed, because it's all right now. They play games and do
exercises there, but they don't do them very good. There is a swimming pool
there. They go into it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they
don't know how to swim.
As you go into their
park, there is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so
they can't get out without him seeing them when they sneak out to go find seashells.
My Grandma used to
bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat
out. They eat the same thing every night, "Early Birds". Some of the
people are so retarded that they don't know how to cook at all so my Grandma and Grandpa
bring food into the wrecked hall and the call it "Potluck".
My Grandma says
Grandpa worked all of his life and earned retardment. I wish they would move back up
here, but I guess the little man in the doll house won't let them out.
Your Quick
Inspiration: Make It A Great Day
I woke up early
today, excited over all I get to do before the day ends.
I have responsibilities to fulfill today.
I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or ...
I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
Today I can grumble about my health or...
I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can mourn my lack of friends or...
I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or...
I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or...
I can feel honored because Life has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am,
the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!
Why not make it a GREAT day???
author unknown
JUST BECAUSE
Just because no one
has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any
less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be
topped, doesn't stop you from being the best. Just because no one has come along to share
your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming. Just because no one has made this race
worth while, doesn't give you permission to stop running. Just because no one has realized
how much of a woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.Just because no
one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower
quality. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you
have to sink to theirs. Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean
that life is always fair. Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't
mean that you're not already a queen. Just because your situation doesn't seem to be
progressing right now, does n't mean you need to change a thing. Keep shining, Keep
running, Keep hoping, Keep praying, Keep being exactly what you are already:..COMPLETE! .
AWESOME PRAYER:
"May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where
you are meant to be.
I believe that friends are quiet angels who
lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
remembering how to fly."
Dear God,
Why didn't you save the school children in Littleton, Colorado?
Sincerely, Concerned Student
Dear Concerned Student,
I am not allowed in schools.
Sincerely, God
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained
she didn't want any prayer in our schools. And we said, OK..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible
that says "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your
neighbor as yourself." And we said, OK...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children
when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped
and we might damage their self-esteem.
And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so
we won't spank them anymore...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our
children when they misbehave. And the school administrators said no
faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave
because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued.
And we accepted their reasoning...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they
want, and they won't even have to telltheir parents.
And we said, that's a grand idea...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys
and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they
want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their
parents they got them at school.
And we said, that's another great idea...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we
do in private as long as we do our jobs. And we said, it doesn't matter what
anybody, including the President, does in private as long as we have
jobs and the economy is good...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then someone said let's print magazines with pictures of nude
women and call it wholesome down-to-earth appreciation for
the beauty of the female body.
And we said, we have no problem with that...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And someone else took that appreciation a step further and
published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still
by making them available on the Internet.
And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies
that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex... And let's record music
that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes...
And we said, it's just entertainmentand it has no adverse effect and
nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why
they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill
strangers, classmates or even themselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could
figure it out. I'm sure it has a great deal to do with...
"WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pass it on if you think it has merit! If not then just discard
it...but if you discard this thought process, then don't you dare sit back
and complain about what bad shape this world is in...
"The written word is spoken aloud in the mind"
(mine)
Author Unknown
A
Different Version of the Same Letter
Did you see where Billy Graham's
daughter was being interviewed on the Early Show a few days after the September
11th terrorist attack and Jane Clayson asked her
"How could God let something like this happen?"
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said
"I believe that God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but
for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of
our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman
that He is, I believe that He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God
to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand that He leave us
alone?"
Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray
O'Hare (she was murdered, her body was found recently) complained she didn't
want any prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then, someone said you better not read
the Bible in school... the Bible that says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt
not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said, OK.
Then, Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank
our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be
warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide)
And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we said OK.
Then, someone said teachers and
principals better not discipline our children when
they misbehave. And the school administrators said no faculty member
in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we
don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued (There's
big difference between disciplining and touching, beating, smacking,
humiliating, kicking, etc.) And we said, OK.
Then someone said, let's let our daughters have
abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And
we said, OK. Then some wise school board member said, since boys will
be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms
they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to
tell their parents they got them at school. And we said, OK.
Then some of our top elected
officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our
jobs. And agreeing with them, we said it doesn't matter to me what anyone,
including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy
is good.
And then someone said let's print magazines with
pictures of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth appreciation
for the beauty of the female body. And we said, OK.
And then someone else took that appreciation a
step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further
still by making them available on the internet. And we said OK, they're entitled
to their free speech.
And then the entertainment industry said, let's
make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit
sex. And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and
satanic themes. And we said it's just entertainment, it has no
adverse effect, and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have
no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother
them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think
about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I
think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Then there was the student who wrote
"Dear God, Why didn't you save the little girl
killed in her classroom? " Sincerely, Concerned Student...
AND THE REPLY
"Dear
Concerned Student, I am not allowed in schools".
Sincerely, God.
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and
then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say,
but question what the Bible says.
Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided
they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says.
Funny how someone can say "I
believe in God" but still follow Satan who, by the way,
also "believes" in God.
Funny how we are quick to judge but not to be
judged. Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they
spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord,
people think twice about sharing.
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass
freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of God is suppressed in
the school and workplace.
Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on
Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.
Are you laughing yet??
Funny how when you go to forward this message,
you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not
sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Funny how I can be more worried about what
other people think of me than what God
thinks of me. Are you thinking yet???
If you think
you can
If you think you
are beaten, you are.
If you think you
dare not, you dont.
If you like to win
but think you cant,
Its almost
almost certain that you wont.
Lifes battles
dont always go
To the stronger
woman or man,
But sooner or
later, those who win
Are those who think
they can.
Unknown
Always
Remember
----------------
Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.
Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But don't forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.
Always remember to forget
The troubles that have passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.
~Author Unknown~
God's
Gift
I
ASKED GOD TO TAKE AWAY MY PRIDE.....
And God said
"No."
He said it was not for him to take away,
but for me to give up.
I asked God to make
my handicapped child whole.
And God said"No."
He said her spirit is whole, her body is only temporary.
I asked God to
grant me patience.
And God said "No."
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations.
It isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give
me happiness.
And God said "No."
He said he gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.
I asked God to
spare me pain.
And God said "No."
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly
cares and brings you closer to Me.
I asked God to make
my spirit grow
And God said "No."
He said I must grow on my own.
But he would prune me to make me fruitful.
I asked God for all
things that I might enjoy life.
And God said "No."
He said I will give you life,
that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help
me LOVE others,
as much as he loves me.
And God said, Ah, finally you have the idea.
Amen!!!
Author unknown
Observations
About Life Priorities
This was written by the
C.E.O. of Coca-Cola Brian G. Dyson.
It was used as Georgia Tech's Commencement Address.
Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the
air. You name them - Work - Family - Health - Friends - Spirit, and
you're keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it
will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends and
spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably
scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.
You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?
1. Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is
because we are different that each of us is special.
2. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know
what is best for you.
3.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them
as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
4. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or
for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the
days of your life.
5. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really
over until the moment you stop trying.
6. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this
fragile thread that binds us together.
7. Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we
learn how to be brave.
8. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The
quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to
hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
9. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've
been, but also where you are going.
10. Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
11. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can
always carry easily.
12. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a gift: that's
why we call it - The Present."
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
A wealthy man and his
son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from
Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.
When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous
and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and
grieved deeply for his only son.
About a month later,
just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door
with a large package in his hands. He said,
"Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life.
He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in
the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.
The young man held out his package.
"I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would
have wanted you to have this." The father opened the package. It was a
portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the
soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so
drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man
and offered to pay him for the picture.
"Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."
The father hung the
portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see
the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had
collected. The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction
of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great
paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the
platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel.
"We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this
picture?" There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted.
"We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one." But the auctioneer
persisted.
"Will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100,
$200?" Another voice shouted angrily "We didn't come to see this painting.
We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!" But
still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime
gardener of the man and his son.
"I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could
afford.
"We have $10, who will bid $20?"
"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."
"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"
The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted
the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel.
"Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!" A man sitting on the second row
shouted.
"Now let's get on with the collection! The auctioneer laid down his gavel.
"I'm sorry, the auction is over."
"What about the paintings?"
"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret
stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this
time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever
bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The
man who took the son gets every thing! God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a
cruel cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is,
"The son, the son, who'll take the son?" Because, you see, whoever takes
the Son gets everything
Author Unknown
PERSONAL WORTH
A well known
speaker began his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this $20 bill?"" Hands started going up. He said, "I
am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first, let me do this..." He proceeded
to crumple up the bill. Then he asked, "Who still wants it?" There were
still hands up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do
this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his
shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants
it?"" Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, you have all
learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease
in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and
ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We
feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you
will never lose your value in God's eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely
creased, you are still priceless." (Forwarded from a cyber friend)
THE ANSWER
A son and his father
were walking on the mountains. Suddenly, the son falls, hurts himself and screams:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in
the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?" He receives the answer: "Who are
you?"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!" He receives the answer:
"Coward!" He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention." And then he screams to the
mountain: "I admire you!" The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!" The voice answers: "You are a
champion!" The boy is surprised, but does not understand. Then the father
explains: "People call this ECHO,
but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is
simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love
in your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; Life will give you back
everything you have given to it.
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!
--Author Unknown--
If I Had My
Life To Live Over
by Erma Bombeck
I would have talked
less and listened more....
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if
the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten
the popcorn in the "good" living room
and worried much less about the dirt
when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken
the time to listen to my grandfather
ramble about his youth.
I would never have
insisted the car windows be
rolled up on a summer day because my hair had
just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned
the pink candle sculpted like a rose
before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on
the lawn with my children and not
worried about grass stains.
I would have cried
and laughed less while watching
television and more while watching life.
I would have shared
more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone
to bed when I was sick instead of
pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern
if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have
bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing
away nine months of pregnancy,
I'd have cherished every moment and realized
that the wonderment growing inside me was the
only chance on life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed
me impetuously, I would never have said,
"later, now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have
been more "I love you's"...
more "I'm sorry's" but mostly ....
Given another shot
at life,
I would seize every minute
.Look at it and really see it
and never give it back.
Grandmas
Creed
Do not undermine
your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Do not set your
goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.
Do
not take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them, for without them, life is meaningless.
Do
not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Do
not give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
It
is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Do
not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Do
not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly.
The best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Do
not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Do not run through
life so fast that you forget not only where you have been,
but also where you are going.
Life is not a race... but a journey to be savored!
DON'T
Even Think About It!
WHEN
THINGS GO WRONG, AS THEY SOMETIMES WILL,
WHEN
THE ROAD YOU'RE TRUDGING SEEMS ALL UPHILL,
WHEN
THE FUNDS ARE LOW, AND THE DEBTS ARE HIGH,
AND
YOU WANT TO SMILE, BUT YOU HAVE TO SIGH,
WHEN
CARE IS PRESSING YOU DOWN A BIT,
REST
IF YOU MUST, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT.
LIFE
IS QUEER WITH ITS TWISTS AND TURNS,
AS
EVERYONE OF US SOMETIMES LEARNS,
AND
MANY A FAILURE TURNS ABOUT,
WHEN
HE MIGHT HAVE WON HAD HE STUCK IT OUT,
DON'T
GIVE UP THOUGH THE PACE SEEMS SLOW,
YOU
MAY SUCCEED WITH ANOTHER BLOW.
SUCCESS
IS FAILURE TURNED INSIDE OUT,
THE
SILVER TINT OF THE CLOUDS OF DOUBT,
AND
YOU NEVER CAN TELL HOW CLOSE YOU ARE,
IT
MAY BE NEAR WHEN IT SEEMS SO FAR,
SO
STICK TO THE FIGHT WHEN YOU'RE HARDEST HIT,
IT'S
WHEN THINGS SEEM WORSE, THAT
YOU
MUST NOT QUIT.
It is better to be
quiet and have people wonder if you are a fool,
than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
When all else
fails.....REBOOT!
If the plural for
Goose is Geese, how come the plural for Moose isn't Meese?
Being defeated is
only temporary, giving up is what makes it permanent.
If your computer
gets a virus while downloading porn,
is that considered a sexually transmitted disease?
Buy a Pentium VI
with Windows XP and reboot faster.
If at first you
don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If it's not on
fire, it's a software problem.
Laughter is the jam
on the toast of life.
It adds flavour, keeps it from being too dry
and makes it easier to swallow.
Money doesn't bring
you happiness....
but it sure helps with the misery.
The best way to
forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Brain cells come
and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
The nice part of
living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else
does.
The older you get,
the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are
really good friends.
Age doesn't always
bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only
begins at forty, it begins to show.
Just when I was
getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I
understand everything, then I wake up.
If at first you
don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
You don't stop
laughing because you grow old;
you grow old because you stop laughing.
I don't mind the
rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
Amazing! You just
hang something in your closet for a while,
and it shrinks two sizes.
It is bad to
suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Age is important
only if you're a cheese.
The only time a
woman wishes she were a year older is
when she is expecting a baby.
Freedom of the
press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us
is a thin person struggling to get out,
but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Is it just a
coincidence that "STRESSED"
is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?
If it ain't broke,
don't fix it!
There is no such
thing as a stupid person,
There's just a lot of inquisitive idiots.
INCIDENCE or
COINCIDENCE?
The incidence of
coincidence is so prevalent, that it can not be
considered coincidence.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both
their wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in
the head. Both were shot in the presence of their wives. The
Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater
and to Dallas, respectively.
Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were
succeeded by Southerners. Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names. Both
names have 15 letters.
Booth ran from the theater and was captured in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theater.
To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before
their trial.
Is this INCIDENCE or COINCIDENCE?
unknown
Two Angels
Two travelling
angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was
rude and refused to let the angels stay in the
mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall
and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied...
"Things aren't always what they seem."
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable
farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the
angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun
came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their
only cow, whose milk had been their sole
income, lay dead in the field.
he younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let
this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused.
"The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their
cow die."
Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.
"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in
that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to
share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as
we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the
cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
ometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should.
If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your
advantage. You might not know it until some time later.
Think about this:
Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight; Just remember the homeless family who has
no bed to lie in.
Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair. There are people in this world
for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for the last
three months.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known
what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits,
working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for -15.00 to feed her family.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance;
Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who
wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking "what
is my purpose"; Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the
opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or
insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!
The Starfish
Paraphrased From: The Star Thrower
by Loren Eiseley
A Child's Angel
Once upon a time there was a
child ready to be born. So one day she asked God: They tell me you are sending me to earth
tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless? Among the many
angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.
But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything
else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy. Your angel will sing for you
and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy.
And how am I going to be able to
understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk? Your angel
will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much
patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.
And what am I going to do when I want
to talk to you? Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.
I've heard that on earth there are
bad men. Who will protect me? Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its
life.
But I will always be sad because I
will not see you anymore. Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you
the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.
At that moment there was much peace
in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked
softly: Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name. Your angel's
name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy
(author unknown)
I've
Learned
I've learned-
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned-
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned-
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned-
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned-
that you can get by on charm for about
fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned-
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do that.
I've learned-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I've learned-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.
I've learned-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.
I've learned-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I've learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first, the passion
fades and there had better be something
else to take its place.
I've learned-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I've learned-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned-
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and what
a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned-
that your family won't always be there for you.
It may seem funny, but people you aren't
related to can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't always biological.
I've learned-
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned-
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I've learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your
children, they will eventually get hurt and
you will hurt in the process.
I've learned-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned-
that it's hard to determine where to draw
the line between being nice and not hurting
people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
Unknown
WHEN YOU
THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING,
When you thought I
wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I
immediately wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn't
looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to
animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned
that little things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I
could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was
sick,
and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people
who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who
don't.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me good night and I felt loved and
safe.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and
I learned we have to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities even when
you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that
sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that
I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to
be a good and productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks
for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."
Unknown
Friendship
Imagine there is a
bank that credits your account each morning with$86,400. It carries over no balance from
day to day. Every evening it deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use
during the day. What would you do?
Draw out every cent,
of course!!!!
Each of us has such a
bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off, aslost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good
purpose. It carries over no balance.
It allows no
overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the
remains of the day. If you fail to us the day's deposits, the loss is yours.
There is no
going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow". You must
live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost
in health, happiness, and success!
The clock is running.
Make the most of today.
To realize the value
of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value
of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value
of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value
of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value
of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value
of ONE-SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value
of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment
that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special
enough to spend your time with.
And remember that
time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!!!
Friends are a very
rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their heart to
us.
A Woman's Tear
A little boy asked his mother
"Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman she told him."
"I don't understand," he said. His mum just hugged him and said, "And
you never will"
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no
reason?" "All women cry for no reason" was all his dad
could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to GOD. When GOD got on the phone, the man said
"GOD, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD said...."When I made women she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet,
gentle enough to give comfort.... I gave her an inner strength to endure
childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children......
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives
up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.......
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances,
even when her child has hurt them very badly...
This same sensitivity helps her make a child's boo-boo feel better and shares
in their teenagers anxieties and fears.......
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned
her from his rib to protect his heart.......
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes
tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.....
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed, This is hers exclusively to use whenever
it is needed. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,the figure that
she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be
seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where
love resides.
You Are
Blessed
If you woke up this
morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not
survive this week.
If you have never
experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or
the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a
church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more
blessed than three billion people in the world.
If you have food in
the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are
richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in
the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace...you are among the top 8%
of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are
still alive and still married...you are very rare, even in the United States.
If you hold up your
head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful...you are blessed because the
majority can, but most do not.
If you can hold
someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder...you are blessed because you
can offer healing touch.
If you can read this
message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and
furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that
cannot read at all.
Have a good day,
count your blessings, and pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.
Be good to yourself.
Be kind,
Be patient,
Be forgiving.
A BABY'S HUG
We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and
noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee
and said, "Hi there." He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His
eyes we crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled
and giggled with merriment. I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a
man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be
shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed.
His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked
like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands
waved and flapped on loose wrists. "Hi there, baby; Hi there, big boy. I see ya,
buster," the man said to Erik.My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we
do?" Erik continued to laugh and answer, "Hi, hi there." Everyone in the
restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a
nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the
room, "Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows
peek-a-boo."
Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were
embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his
repertoire for the admiring skidrow bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.
We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check
and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the
door. "Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed.
As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he
might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's
"pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from
my arms to the man's.
Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love
relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon
the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his
lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and
stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I
stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and
set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take
care of this baby." Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that
contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest unwillingly, longingly, as though he were
in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me
my Christmas gift." I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.
With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and
holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me." I
had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no
sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of
clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God
asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" when He shared His
for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the
Kingdom of God, we must become as little children."
Here is the poem that Jason
King wrote shortly after he
learned that hewould be blind for the rest of his life. Enjoy...
THE WOOD
Within this cloak of never-ending dark,
all blood runs blue and cold as sapphire dust,
issuing not a spark,
Yet muffled cries of torment, waver on, and giving rise,
to the agony of truth, the soul must see, if not the eyes.
As if in dreaming, but then again, so real,
with hatred and in fury, introverting, forced to kneel
within a bleaker place, the density of wood,
engulfs, constricting life itself and squeezes,
till the blue, unheeded, flows forth, now red as blood.
In those deepest caverns where none but blind men, viewing with their fear,
begin again to scream, no caring ear to hear.
There, I walk, and knowing, must endure the journey once again,
and now, will tell, descending,
into the vortex of the soul, despite the pain.
Harken, he who ridicules those who cannot see,
yet even still believe through faith, not creed,
in that which generates all life through love and seed.
Sacred tomes bereft of all,
but they who reel in supplicators sin,
n'ere will enjoy their lash,
though earthly sight might look upon their pain.
So through the moldering wood,
unbroken by the merest twinkling past its hoary boughs,
we stagger, as if in dream,
we may secure our home among the clouds.
Yet through the intertwining, of thistle and of thorn,
the heart may catch a glimpse of gentle radiance,
drawing us along.
Scathed and torn, onward we press, toward the shallow rise.
As morning's beam awakens now viewed fully by one's soul,
if not his eyes.
What can it be, inquires the heart,
burdened still, by guilt and shame.
Recalling ancient, mystic tales,
we dare do naught but call a name.
And with the calling,
golden light bursts forth and flows throughout our tangled glen,
and onward, to another day we leave the dream again.
"Jason King"
Irregular Plurals
We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
The one fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole set of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say Mother, we never say Methren,
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,
So English, I fancy you will all agree,
Is the strangest of languages ever to be.
"Jason King"
More English oddities...
When the English tongue we speak,
Why is "break" not rhymed with "freak"?
And the maker of a verse,
Cannot cap his "horse" with "worse"?
"Beard" sounds not the same as "heard".
"Cord" is different from "word".
"Cow" is cow, but "low" is low.
"Shoe" is never rhymed with "foe".
Think of "hose" and "dose" and "lose".
And of "goose" and yet of "choose".
Think of "comb" and "tomb" and "bomb",
"Doll" and "roll" and "home"
and "some".
And since "pay" is rhymed with "say",
Why not "paid" and "said", I pray?
We have "blood" and "food" and "good",
"Mould" is not pronounced like "could".
Wherefore "done", but "gone" and "lone"?
Is there any reason known?
What about "cough" and "through" and "tough"?
we're nearly done, enough's enough
"Thorough" can be made to rhyme with "dough",
But "bough" sounds like "cow" and not
like "though".
"Draught" is spelled a lot like "taught",
But only one of them sounds like "bought".
We haven't mentioned "laughter" or "daughter",
Neither of which is spelled like it oughter.
And, in short, it seems to me,
Sounds and letters disagree.
"Jason King"
Must not quit
When things go wrong, as they
sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Don't run to me, I don't give a shit.
You may be queer with your twists and turns,
Just pray your best friend never learns,
many a failure turns about,
and finds he loves to stick it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
and remember that nobody gives a shit.
With apologies to C. W. Longenecker
"Jason King"
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